On B.J.'s

Recently I had an astrological reading with Ophira Edut of the Astrotwins.  It was amazing.  The biggest takeaway I got is that in this season of my life it is time to let the freak flag fly. This isn't a post about anything freaky per se, I'm just pressing my edge of transparency.  Here goes.

This morning I was talking with my girlfriend about, well, blow jobs.  Most women I know, straight/gay, bi or queer, don't really love giving blow jobs. Here's a thought about why: we're calling it a job. Nobody likes having a job. A job is something we have to do.  A job is something that has a measurable result of whether or not we have been successful.  A job is usually overseen and managed by a figure of authority.  A job is about giving service, not about giving/receiving pleasure.

If you read this blog, you know by now that every time I blink, or take a bite of my cereal, or do anything in life, it causes me to reflect on the empowerment/dis-empowerment of the feminine.  This morning's conversation got me thinking about the resentful, obligatory edge that this terminology can cause for those of us who have oral sex with men.  Could we re-frame it so that it sounds more like what it is: a choice rather than a burden?

That being said, I actually really like the term blow job! I feel really empowered about my womanhood, so sometimes being a little objectified kind of turns me on.

This is just what's on my mind today.

What do you think?

Happy Thursday everyone!

Love,
Kitty

My Secret, Secret, Secret Weapon

Veronica In Action

One of the questions I often get asked is about my spiritual practice.  People notice I have a strong relationship with spirit and want to know the actual practices I use to nurture and engage in that relationship.  Until age 18 I was forced, (and I mean forced!) to go to Catholic mass at least once per week.  Until age 13, I loved it.  After age 13, all hell broke loose.

No matter how much I stomped my feet, cried, pleaded to not have to go to Church, my parents held fast to their values.  At the time, I thought this was poppycock. Ridiculous.  Tyrannical.  Going to Church felt was straight-up obligation to me.  I found no inspiration there.  As a teenager who was dying to live as close to the edge as my social circle would allow, I just felt a continual layering on of guilt and that only reinforced my will to rebel. 

Today - Spirit, The Universe, God, Goddess, what-have-you; informs every breath I take and every move I make.  In retrospect I am grateful for my devotional upbringing.  Even when it moved beyond the point that I could relate to it, because this strengthened my resolve to find what did work, rather than just resent what didn't. It took a lot of research to find what worked for me to get close to where I felt the sweet embrace of the divine. One of the most unexpected places has been witchcraft.

I remember seeing the movie The Craft as a teenager.  My Mom was so terrified that she secretly sat in the back of the movie theatre so that she could see what I was being exposed to.  After all, that term, witchcraft, instantly conjures the imagery of the demonic, devil worship, black magic and the like.  I never went down that path, though I did sprinkle a fair amount of fennel seeds over my telephone in the hopes that my high school crush would someday call me and profess his love.  (something I read in the Supermarket Sorceress)

But what is witchcraft really? There are a great many ways to describe it: knowing the future, controlling the future. Having the ability to enchant, allure, captivate, hypnotize, enthrall, entrancing and spellbind. 

What is interesting is that in this day and age, I can think of very few women who would not like to be considered enchanting, alluring, captivating and hypnotizing.  Possession of these qualities strike me as something unique to feminine power, which not so long ago was considered an unforgivable crime. 300 years ago during the Salem witch trials, being called hypnotic could quickly get you lynched, or worse, slowly crushed under a giant boulder, torturing you in the hopes of attaining a confession of witchcraft.    Aye-ye-aye.  

Thank goodness we have pioneers like Veronica Varlow and her Grandmothers.  Veronica has been one of the greatest inspirations in my life.  My muse, my teacher, my friend, she not only has an entrancing quality that casts its spell over you body and soul the moment you encounter her, she is also one of the most generous and wonderful teachers I have ever met.  Kitty Cavalier would not exist without Veronica.

One of the most powerful classes she teaches is called "Light My Fire: Candle Magic with Veronica Varlow".  I took this class a few years ago, and I swear to you, everything I have created in my life has been the result of using this sacred art to attract what I want.  I have the most knock-down, crazy-amazing, blow your mind marriage in the universe, thanks to a candle spell.  I am making 3 times more than the highest salary I have ever made in my life, and my abundance continues to expand.  Candle magic again.  I have a career where my sole purpose is to have as much fun as possible in my life and then share it with the world to empower others.  Yup.  Candles again.

To try to describe why this class is so life altering would be like trying to describe what if feels like to swim in the ocean.  It is a power you just have to experience yourself. 

This Friday, November 16th, a dream of mine is coming true.  Veronica is bringing her candle magic class to The School of Charm and Cheek.  JUST FOR US. Ladies, believe me when I say, you would be crazy not to jump on this opportunity.  We have no plans to re-create this in the future.  Veronica travels the world and it is extremely rare that she is available to teach at all. 

So come on, join us. Be the best kind of crazy there is - no matter what plans you have to cancel, no matter how you have to drag your tired ass downtown - follow your desire to join us.  Your life will transform, I guarantee it.  

The Personal Is Political

One of the first things I read this morning was the following article in the NY Times:

KABUL, Afghanistan — When the Afghan government announced Thursday that it would pardon a woman who had been imprisoned for adultery after she reported that she had been raped, the decision seemed a clear victory for the many women here whose lives have been ground down by the Afghan justice system.       


But when the announcement also made it clear that there was an expectation that the woman, Gulnaz, would agree to marry the man who raped her, the moment instead revealed the ways in which even efforts guided by the best intentions to redress violence against women here run up against the limits of change in a society where cultural practices are so powerful that few can resist them, not even the president.       

The solution holds grave risks for Gulnaz, who uses one name, since the man could be so humiliated that he might kill his accuser, despite the risk of prosecution, or abuse her again.

I am enraged. I want to flail myself on the floor in heartbreak and pound my fists.  How can I, as a woman, even get out of bed when across the world one of my sisters is enduring this kind of atrocity because she is female???!!!! I could cry a river of tears.

I am writing this blog because I don't know what to do, other than tell everyone I know about this and get them as fired up as I am.

This morning I woke up feeling aimless, concerned mainly with what I could achieve and entertain myself today. The positive is that after reading this article, my passion to celebrate the feminine and strengthen myself could not be burning brighter. Because I know for a fact, that every time I celebrate myself as a woman, it sets another woman free.  Good breeds more good. Freedom breeds more freedom. 

Today, I did yoga to strengthen and center myself. I called my best friend and told her I love her madly.  My husband drove us to a different store to get the organic, free range chicken to stand for the Great Mother of us all. I looked into holding a fundraiser/movie screening for the film Miss Representation. I chose to save my money and not spend it on unnecessary items just to fill the void.  I dedicated my self-pleasuring to Gulnaz, her lawyer, her sisters in prison, even to her rapist and the judge, that my love of my body and the part of me that is most feminine would send shock waves of love and pleasure across the world. 

The personal is political.  What are you doing today to celebrate and give thanks for being born a woman? Share with me below....

Feathers are a Feminist Issue

This week I graduated my very first 6 week series, Sacred Seduction. This class prepares five students for one main event: performing a group Burlesque routine in a real NYC Burlesque show.

One thing you should know about me, is that I am a slut for rituals. Nothing gets me goin' like a good blessing or intention setting. Which is why I filled this class chock full of them, and made sure that throughout the entire series, we were all really clear about why we are doing this.

What always surprises me about burlesque, is that it is a dance, but it is so not about the dance. It is about freeing yourself, expressing yourself, and transcending any belief that you are too old, fat, pimply, dimply, flat chested, uncoordinated...or whatever other fill-in-the-dis-empowerment-blank that comes your way. It's about claiming it, right here, right now. These women are not dancing just because they like sequins and feathers. Some of them don't even like sequins and feathers. They are dancing for their Light. They are dancing for their own daughters, and for yours. They are dancing for every woman who has ever doubted herself, held back on her genius because of how she might be ridiculed.

Take Belle Du Jour, who is 7 months pregnant with baby Sebastian, dancing for every woman to know it is ok for a woman to be a Mommy, and hold onto her sassy sensuality. Or Glitzy Cougar, who is 58 years old, and has never felt more beautiful in her life. She is dancing for every woman who has ever put her sensuality on a shelf, or felt like she is resigned to a life of short hair and turtlenecks after she turns a certain age. Then there is Calla Lily Rapture, who is celebrating her birthday on performance night, and claiming every ounce of the gorgeous gift she is, unwrapping herself for all the world to see. We've got Ginger Altar, who after backpacking the length of India alone, describes this experience as the bravest thing she's ever done. And last but certainly not least, there is Madame Rouge, who after a lifetime of being afraid of exposing her delicious body, is tossing everything she's ever known about "supposed to" out the window, revealing her innate beauty with a gusto that just brings me to tears.

Every time I see a burlesque show, it changes me. The reason: burlesque requires you to stand in your most profound vulnerability, literally naked. And counter-intuitive to everything we've been taught, it is here that our deepest power lies. Burlesque is a dance of discovery, for the performer and audience member alike. Discovering that our power does not live in the hard shell we wear each day, it resides in the softness that lies behind it.

This Tuesday night, June 14th, the world will change. The Earth will not be the same after these women dance their Light. Come join us if you would like to bear witness to this extraordinary act of beauty, and have your world changed too.

click here for all the info