Boy Crazy, Girl Crazy, Love Crazy

What an a-hole this guy can be.  :)

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the state of being boy-crazy, girl-crazy, love-crazy.  That state where you feel like you have just snorted a love potion.  You are thinking about this person, this possibility, and this new dimension of yourself that you have been flung into as a result of meeting them. 

Amidst this this lofty high, there is also sometimes an uncomfortable sense of disapproval at being so swept away.  As a seduction teacher I am all too familiar with the cannibalistic cycle women go through of getting excited about meeting someone, then feeling the sting of insecurity that we like them sooo much.  The women I work with long to meet someone they feel crazy about but then when it happens, they worry that they are in fact, actually crazy.  They wonder if there is something wrong, something rotten at the core that makes them only able to feel this level of happiness when they are on a romantic high.

And when I say they, you know I mean me.

There is an assumption that when you are a seductress, you never let yourself get too attached.  People perceive that a seductive woman has so much confidence that she doesn’t get love crazy. She doesn’t put her eggs in the basket of love and feeling, as she knows that there is too big a risk of them getting crushed.  So she places them in the basket of sex, manipulation and making sure she gets her way no matter what.  But let’s get one thing straight: the person we are talking about here is not a seductress. The person we are describing above is most likely, a pretty unhappy narcissist.

Handle with care.  Or don't. 

A seductress is a woman that has surrendered to putting her eggs in whatever the fuck basket she wants and letting her self feel everything, even the crush.  She takes epic rides on rollercoasters of life, even though there is part of her that knows she will get her heart utterly shattered.  She says yes to things that she knows will make her feel crazy, or vulnerable, or hurt in the moment because she knows that the experience will make her grow in exactly the way she needs, like going on a vision quest in the desert.  What makes this woman seductive is not a sense of detachment. It is a willingness to be deeply compassionate with herself as she goes through the process of being attached.  A process  that ultimately leads a detangling of threads and find the same lesson inside every golden egg: all that you have is your soul.

“I dim the lights, and think about you, spend sleepless nights, to think about you”.  This is a song from a Broadway show that I heard recently while performing in The Goddess Revue: Journey of a Turned On Woman.  This song is about a woman who is shell shocked because the man she was in love with suddenly dumps her, and she is left in the grip of obsessive compulsive thoughts about him.  It is to the point where she finds herself stopped in the middle of the floor, unable to move.  When I look at this woman I feel two things: a painful sense of empathy at her condition, and profound sense of repulsion at her loser-ness.  “How Pathetic!” my mind screams, all the while trying to conceal the sweat on my brow, triggered by the fear that I might soon find myself in her same spot.

Here’s what I have learned in living seduction as a way of life: seduction take serious fucking guts.  When I embark on the seduction of a lover or allow myself to be seduced, I know I am basically taking a shot of romantic ayahuasca. (a hallucinogenic plant that one takes to go on a shamanic journey). I know that I will most likely go crazy for a few days or weeks, or months.  It can be wildly pleasurable and wickedly unpleasant all at once. But I also know that it is this willingness to walk into the fire of my fears that results in the one thing that makes life worth living: loving bigger, loving more. 

You’re so swoon-able,

Kitty Cavalier

PS - The only thing that keeps me sane in love, or in general? Qoya. It's my crystal ball, my sacred coven, my retreat, my home.  January 18th and 19th is NYC Qoya Teacher Training retreat.  Whether you intend to teach Qoya or not, this is an amazing immersion in living life as a femme vitale.  Wise, wild, embodied and free.  Join us! 

Winnie Cavalier

Today's blog is for pure pleasure.

A month ago I went into an amazing, animal advocacy shelter named Bideawee to get a cat.  I really wanted a dog, but thought it would be too much work. 

Then I met Winnie.  

Her name was Lorena when I met her.  (I still call her that sometimes when she is being a frisky rascal.)  My heart has been officially, totally completely stolen by her.  I always thought that having a pup meant having to alter your life to accommodate more work.  I am grateful to say that I have had to change my life around, but it has not been to make room for more work. It has been to make room for love.  My friend Beth Mayesh, photographix extraordinaire was with me the day I got her, and she captured these gorgeous shots of me and Winnie in our first week together.  

It is my pleasure to present you with two full minutes of pure puppy bliss - Winnie Cavalier. 

What's Brown And Sticky?

Age 17, a glamazon in the making

Imagine it: Me. Age 17. Siting in the back row of my high school math class, laughing maniacally. Like, on the verge of rolling around on the floor maniacally. Someone had just told me the best joke I had heard in a long time. What's brown and sticky? A stick. 

When I was a teenager, corny jokes cracked me UP. I was a big fan of cheesy humor, which I assumed made me immature and uncool. I added it to the list of reasons why I thought none of the boys liked me and I had never had a boyfriend.

Then, few months ago, a blast from the high school past came into my life. He was of the male variety. He told me his perspective about how I was perceived by my tiny, catholic, high school class.

He told me that all the boys liked me. Alot. He even told me that one of them was on the verge of asking me to be his girlfriend senior year. This was NEWS TO ME. It made me wonder what high school would have been like had I found my quirks charming and cheeky instead of inexperienced and immature. Or, if I at least could have faked feeling that way.

When it comes to seduction, the number one (of two) thing you need to practice it it confidence. But I'd like to qualify that. Confidence, can be either real or imagined. I have had a long journey with confidence.  I've gone from hating my body and renouncing the sensual to being a burlesque performer and teaching seduction. What I have discovered is that when it comes confident people, at least half the time they are faking it until they make it. 

For example, have you ever wanted a piece of clothing but thought "oh, I could never pull that off". The people who do pull it off usually think that about themselves at first too.  But they just buy it and wear it. Eventually, after they adjust to the turbulence of taking up more space with their style, they are searching for the next piece that presses their edge. (I know because I am one of these people.)

My words of seductive wisdom today are this: being a seductress is not about what you project, it's about who you are. Whether you like dirty jokes, sarcastic jokes, or super corny jokes, just love what you love. As we learned this week "love is love". Love what you love. It is enough.

PS - A guy walks into a bar and says: ouch!!! HA! What a scream!

"Things I Love"

Sex Magic Candle Spell

Whenever I get asked "what do you do?" at a cocktail party, it's always a crapshoot.  Since I teach seduction as a spiritual practice (and am proud of it), I never know what the response will be to my answer.  Recently I was standing near my dear friend Fabiola as she answered this question.  Her response? "Things I love". To this day I do not know if Fabiola works or has a job, nor do I care.  This weekend I realized that "things I love" is actually the most truthful answer I could give to this question. 

This weekend I hosted three events.  Otherwise known as: work.  My work = the things I love.   

The things I love are going back in time to a gypsy caravan with my iconic friend Veronica Varlow and about 30 other women. On Friday night Veronica took us on a tour of Sex Magic; tried and true ancient rituals passed down to her from her gypsy lineage that cast an unforgettable spell on everything we encountered. We anointed ourselves, we built a sex altar together, we blindfolded one another and fed each other juicy fruit, and we ignited our seductive spirits with a candle spell. See, I loved that.

Opera, Seduction and Burlesque

Then on Saturday I had the honor and privilege of hosting an evening of Opera, Seduction and Burlesque with my best friend and courtesan of the arts, ViVi La Voix. Under a red, sheer, bejeweled tent we had our bones rattled and our worlds rocked by Viv's epic and eternal operatic voice. We lounged on piles of red velvet pillows and were dazzled by compelling and unforgettable opera burlesque striptease vignettes. Tears were shed as we watched Tosca bleed, Carmen surrender, Butterfly choose, and Maria bless. Yup, loved that too.

 Brooklyn Goddess Salon at Sacred

On Sunday I got to step into the sanctuary that is Sacred Brooklyn Studio, and be pleasantly surprised by the group of 7 women I had planned for multiplying to 15 before my very eyes. I still have full body chills as I recall te potent sensual power that electrified the air as the women mastered the Queen's walk, and blessed every inch of Earth with every sensual step. Ahhhhhh. Love.

And now today is the day where I get to spread the love all around the world like I am frosting a cake. Today is the launch of my brand new online program - Your Seductress: Unveiled. It is a four week adventure in uncovering the seductress that lives within you. Yes, you. Every woman is a seductress. All she needs to embody it are exercises, reminders, information and some  girlfriends by her side. It is really that simple.  For years I have been receiving requests to put my work on an online forum, rather than just in a classroom.  Finally, this has seduced me, and I am ready for you. 

www.kittycavalier.com

I don't know about you, but personally I feel like a bubble that just sailed over the rim of an overflowing champagne glass. Wheeeeeeee! 

Click here to view a slideshow of this weekend's events

The Best Valentine's Day Of My Life (so far)

I like Valentines Day.  I know some people don’t, but I do.  It is a holiday that inspires romance, and romance is very important to me. I understand the Valentines Day Haters. The head-trip of Valentines Day, as it is with all commercial holidays, is that it can be a total set up for disappointment.  For example, Christmas doesn’t really feel like Christmas without the fireplace, presents, family, eggnog, etc. (Even if you don’t like eggnog, presents, or your family). Valentine’s Day without the flowers, cards, chocolates, balloons, lingerie and sex, can sometimes inspire a sense of failure or emptiness.

What a bunch of hoo-ha.

Valentine roses gracing my nightstand.
Thank you Mr. Cavalier.

My day started with my husband returning from a morning run, sweaty and red faced, presenting me with yellow roses.  I could have gotten mad that he didn’t buy pink and red ones the night before, and rouse me with their fragrance while wearing a tuxedo, but come on, we’re all just trying to live our lives here. His spontaneity and sweaty face made the delivery even more special.

I then headed out to meet my dear friend and inspiration Kate Northrup, for a deliriously funny and heartfelt interview on her web series, Glimpse TV.  On the way, I found three blank valentine’s in my purse that I had planned to send to family and friends.  Some may have used this un-accomplished task as a reason for self-flagellation. “Ugh, I’m such a procrastinator!” But a Sacred Seductress knows better.  She knows that procrastination is simply evidence that her original plan did not really seduce her, and there is clearly an even better one in progress already. 

 I had a pack of pink bubble gum in my purse as well as the valentines, so I dropped a piece of gum into the envelope and signed the card:

Kate,

Merci.

Je T'aime. 

Hubba Bubba.

Love,

Kitty

She loved it. So did I. Perfection.

After the interview I took my happy, rosy-cheeked self to Tea and Sympathy to meet my living, breathing valentine, Vivi Le Voix - opera burlesque extraordinaire. There she was, waiting on the bench outside, wearing a bright red dress with perfect red lips, drenched in sunlight.  As I approached her I thought “Wow, if that is my best friend, I am doing something seriously right!” We embraced and then sat down to rose petal tea and heart shaped scones.  Swoon. 

Is she Valentines Day embodied
or WHAT??

I remembered that there were two valentines left in my purse, and suggested to Vivi that she and I write them to each other.   I leaned over to the gentlemen at the table next to us and asked if they had a pen. The four of us struck up a conversation about theatre, Buddhism and people we happened to have in common. They were so lovely.  As we turned away to write our cards to each other, I nudged Vivi under the table and whispered, “Let’s write the cards to THEM!” She enthusiastically agreed.

Mine said:

Seduced by the scones

Jerry,

Happy day of love, romance, cupid, charm and cheek. I love you already!

Love,

Kitty Cavalier

As they were getting ready to leave, we silently slipped them our secret Valentines.  They were bowled over with delight. Stealth Love Bomb Success!

As if things could get any better, I then went to Sacred Brooklyn, an amazing movement studio in Clinton Hill.  We were celebrating One Billion Rising, the dance movement started by Eve Ensler to end violence against women and girls.  It was an incredible night of dance and passion. I had the privilege of teaching choreography to “Break The Chain” the One Billion Rising theme dance.  Students always thank the teacher after class (and I so appreciate that) but really, we teachers are the most fortunate ones.   When you teach, you are basically saying a prayer to God of “Use me”.  There is no greater honor. 

After that rush of endorphins, power and divinity, I pedaled my bike over to a local bar to meet my beloved for a Valentines cocktail.  He doesn’t like it when I share the details of our sweet, precious love with the whole Internet, so I will not.  I will however share this photo of us in that moment.

The most important thing I learned this Valentines Day is that seduction requires substance.  All the rose petals, heart shaped boxes and champagne in the world cannot compete with real love, real friendship, and real generosity of spirit.  I am so grateful.

Lastly, I was recently reminded by my friend Veronica Varlow of a practice we did in her class of writing a love letter to one’s self.  The object was to write as though we were an artist writing about a beloved muse. I will leave you with that letter.  To love my friends, to love!

Veronica et Moi

My dearest, most darling inspiration,

That which inspires my every breath. That which reshapes me every moment.  That which lets me know that God, Goddess, Heaven, the Angels, are all alive and well. 

I want you to know that every drop of you, every breath, every heartbeat, every thought, every word you speak is steeped deep in Divinity.

When you awaken, the Angels cry out in rapture.  When you retire, the moon takes its slow, sweet time, as it doesn't want to miss a moment where it gets to caress your skin. 

Do me a favor.  Never go fast.  Go slow.  Take your time.  Do everything with this deliberate knowing of your magnificence. If you do this, we will all be OK.

I adore you.

www.kittycavalier.com

www.seductionretreat.com

PS - Veronica Varlow is back at The School of Charm and Cheek on March 23rd with her new class "Journey In Seduction".  We just released it last week and it is already half full.  Grab your spot while you can!

Seduction Is Love

Teaching at Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice

Recently I taught my beloved workshop, Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice.  What I love so much about teaching this work is that every time I teach, I find I am the biggest student of us all.  I learn so much from what everyone in the class has to say and what everyone experiences. We are taught by the culture that seduction is an evil, manipulative, sexual force possessed by only by the perfect.  In my experience of living seduction as a spiritual practice and way of life, I find this could not be further from the truth. 

What I learned this time from teaching and learning in class is this: seduction is love.  Look around your life and you will see all the things that have truly seduced you.  You will also see what it is you truly love. 

Take Super Bowl Sunday in my house.  My husband had planned an amazing meal of fried chicken, my favorite beer, rice and beans, and chocolate ice cream for dessert.  Saying he is an amazing cook is the understatement of the century. When he mentioned what was on the menu, my sirens of “Gluten! Meat! Alcohol! Dairy!” started blaring away.  I am no Puritan, but for some reason, in my psyche, fried chicken seems like a cardinal sin.  There is just something about it that feels so demonic and wrong, and yet, soooo good. 

I eat whatever I like, whenever I like, but usually I lean towards that which does not put me in a food coma.  Yet, there was no doubt in my mind; I was going to eat this fried chicken and like it. It had seduced me. But not in the “Okay, fried chicken, it’s Super Bowl Sunday, and I don’t want to eat you but I am going to anyway, because you have put me under your spell!” kind of way.  That would be simply a seduction of the mind, and I never make a move unless I’ve been seduced mind, body and soul.

This guy can fry my chicken any time! :)

Seduction is holistic. When something seduces me, it is because I have taken into account the collective impact it will have on my self and those around me.  I did not eat this food because I wanted to go on some crazy, artery-destroying bender. This food was lovingly prepared, chosen with care, and marked the celebration an event that meant something to the man I love.  I ate to the point just beyond satisfaction, and got a little buzzed from the beer.  Today, I feel a little bloated and had to pull the cord a few extra times to get the engine started.  But that’s okay. I knew it was coming. In my experience, to really love something that takes you high, you’ve gotta be ready to love the fallout, too. I had a great time, loved the delicious food, and enjoyed watching my husband relish the satisfaction of me clearing my plate.

So there you have it.  Seduction is love.  We give in to what we love.  Sometimes that is hard to admit.  Like the fact that it is 11 AM and I have not yet brushed my teeth.  I must love this morning breath! But not really.  It’s just that I love being able to let the creative juices pour without interruption more than I love fresh breath at this moment. 

Now, my Sonicare beckons. 

While I’m brushing, tell me in your comments: do you feel like seduction is love? Do you see that seduction is not a force of manipulation or control, but it is actually an act of giving up control? Inquiring Cavaliers want to know.

P.S. - Single rooms are almost full for the May Seduction Retreat in Chester, CT. If you'd like to join us, do! www.seductionretreat.com