Staying Seductive At Times That Are Like, So Not

One of the questions I am most often asked about practicing seduction is “how do you stay a seductress when you are in an environment that is so not seductive?” (such as being at work, or with family, or stuck in traffic)

This is a question that has many answers.  One of the answers will be revealed in this blog post. A few more will be sprinkled in over the next few weeks.  (The really juicy ones will be delivered live in my new April 5^th class The Seductive Life.  Just sayin’. ;)

Let’s be clear about one thing first.  Seduction is not roses, candles, dark chocolate and lingerie.  Seduction is a force.  It is an elemental component of our lives.  Let’s say, for example, you find yourself in a rest stop bathroom.  Not the most seductive of environments.  And you know what? That is OK.  A seductress is not a magic fairy who can change a stinky bathroom into being as much of a pleasure as a field of lavender. The seductress? Her magic does not reside solely in the ethereal. Her real magic is her humanity. 

Hubba-Hubba. 

I bring this up is because many of my students doubt their abilities as a seductress when they are not feeling happy, and aroused in every moment of every day. Listen:  life is a mosaic, not a Lisa Frank illustration.  There are as many smooth pearls in this work of art as there are spiky bits of glass.  There are diamonds twinkling right alongside bits of aluminum can and shiny porcelain next to rough, rugged clay.  That is what makes it so interesting.

My actual childhood lunchbox, thank you Lisa Frank. 

We are fortunate to live in an age where there is a developing consciousness of the fact that we have the power to create our life, rather than lay victim to it. But when this philosophy is adopted as edict, it can often bring with it a sense of perpetual dissatisfaction.   When we feel dissatisfied, we think “Uh-oh.  I am not living the law of attraction! I need to get into gratitude, fast!  Let me write a gratitude list. Think positive! Think positive!”  That’s all fine and good if you are really feeling grateful, but there is a big difference between genuine gratitude and trying to cheat the system. There is no right ratio of self-love to humility, gratitude to ambition.  There are tools, but there is no formula.

So, how does this relate to seduction?  How do we stay in our seductress, even when we are in a situation that is un-seductive? It all starts by understanding that there is no ‘staying in our seductress’, because we never leave our seductress.  Seduction is a force, not a state. We are always seducing and being seduced, constantly.  Let’s say for example, you eat an entire microwave pizza and bag of dried mango like I just did.  I can tell myself that that was so not seductive, that seductresses don’t overeat.  Hell, seductresses don’t even eat microwave pizza.  Certainly not while standing in the kitchen in their pajamas at 3pm on a Monday.

I do love a good dressing gown.

Where’s the dressing gown with a long train spreading out over the bed as she slowly consumes one fresh cherry after another out of a pristine porcelain bowl?  The truth is, those things just didn’t seduce me today. 

Today, I am pumping out multiple articles and adding three new items to my website.  I am feeling a bit stressed. I am coping by eating a little more than I need to, and rebelling against the system by staying in my pajamas.  This, people, I hate to tell you, is seduction.  The pajamas, the mango, the to-do list; they all seduced me today.  The way I stay in my seductress is that I don’t berate myself for not doing things another way.  I have pride in my pizza bloat.  I think it’s really cute. And there is no force on Earth that is more potent or seductive than total ownership and pride in oneself and one’s actions.

In contrast, last night I wanted to do something but had no plans, and didn’t really want to leave the house.  So I took a bubble bath, massaged every inch of my skin with sweet smelling lotion, and put on a party dress and makeup.  I lit every candle in my home and got out my craft bin to make homemade greeting cards and send secret admirer cards to my best friends.  This may sound like it was a more seductive venture than the pizza, but that is not true. It would only be true if we were defining seduction as looking good to other people.  But seduction is not about doing things that look good to other people.  Seduction is doing the things that look good to YOU. 

Do you feel like seduction is a state that is dependent on what your wearing or where you are? Do tell in the comments below. 

Seduction Is Love

Teaching at Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice

Recently I taught my beloved workshop, Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice.  What I love so much about teaching this work is that every time I teach, I find I am the biggest student of us all.  I learn so much from what everyone in the class has to say and what everyone experiences. We are taught by the culture that seduction is an evil, manipulative, sexual force possessed by only by the perfect.  In my experience of living seduction as a spiritual practice and way of life, I find this could not be further from the truth. 

What I learned this time from teaching and learning in class is this: seduction is love.  Look around your life and you will see all the things that have truly seduced you.  You will also see what it is you truly love. 

Take Super Bowl Sunday in my house.  My husband had planned an amazing meal of fried chicken, my favorite beer, rice and beans, and chocolate ice cream for dessert.  Saying he is an amazing cook is the understatement of the century. When he mentioned what was on the menu, my sirens of “Gluten! Meat! Alcohol! Dairy!” started blaring away.  I am no Puritan, but for some reason, in my psyche, fried chicken seems like a cardinal sin.  There is just something about it that feels so demonic and wrong, and yet, soooo good. 

I eat whatever I like, whenever I like, but usually I lean towards that which does not put me in a food coma.  Yet, there was no doubt in my mind; I was going to eat this fried chicken and like it. It had seduced me. But not in the “Okay, fried chicken, it’s Super Bowl Sunday, and I don’t want to eat you but I am going to anyway, because you have put me under your spell!” kind of way.  That would be simply a seduction of the mind, and I never make a move unless I’ve been seduced mind, body and soul.

This guy can fry my chicken any time! :)

Seduction is holistic. When something seduces me, it is because I have taken into account the collective impact it will have on my self and those around me.  I did not eat this food because I wanted to go on some crazy, artery-destroying bender. This food was lovingly prepared, chosen with care, and marked the celebration an event that meant something to the man I love.  I ate to the point just beyond satisfaction, and got a little buzzed from the beer.  Today, I feel a little bloated and had to pull the cord a few extra times to get the engine started.  But that’s okay. I knew it was coming. In my experience, to really love something that takes you high, you’ve gotta be ready to love the fallout, too. I had a great time, loved the delicious food, and enjoyed watching my husband relish the satisfaction of me clearing my plate.

So there you have it.  Seduction is love.  We give in to what we love.  Sometimes that is hard to admit.  Like the fact that it is 11 AM and I have not yet brushed my teeth.  I must love this morning breath! But not really.  It’s just that I love being able to let the creative juices pour without interruption more than I love fresh breath at this moment. 

Now, my Sonicare beckons. 

While I’m brushing, tell me in your comments: do you feel like seduction is love? Do you see that seduction is not a force of manipulation or control, but it is actually an act of giving up control? Inquiring Cavaliers want to know.

P.S. - Single rooms are almost full for the May Seduction Retreat in Chester, CT. If you'd like to join us, do! www.seductionretreat.com

Ecstasy Overload (Seduction Series Week #1)

Ecstasy Overload

I spent the first day of 2013 in ecstasy overload. You know that website cute overload with all the pictures of cute animals? This was ecstasy overload. I taught New Years Day Qoya with the theme of Seduction.  It was one of the most beautiful and moving experiences I’ve ever had.  Riding the subway home I had to keep a close watch on my stop. Lately I’ve missed my stop or gotten on in the wrong direction as a result of being so blissed out.

I have some really exciting things coming up this year.  Things that I have been dreaming about my whole life. I can’t tell you what they are yet, but keep opening these e-mails, and I will reveal these precious jewels one by one over the next few months.

This month I am going to be featuring a series on my blog called Seduction Is A Way Of Life.  

What the hell does that mean? Seduction is a tool, it is a technique, but a lifestyle? How?   

Well. First I am going to show. Then, I will tell. 

Each week I will give an easy assignment. After you complete the assignment you will receive an explanation of how these practices will turn you into a legendary Sacred Seductress day by day.  

Now, when I tell you to do these things your mind will instantly come up with 1000 reasons you why you can’t.  Time and money usually account for about 998 of those excuses.  But I promise you, this is not something that will take from you. It is something that will give to you ten fold. There is nothing to be lost, only wisdom to be gained. 

Therapy this morning, literally

This week, give yourself some real, true Serious Sensual Pleasure. Now, when I say real and true I don’t mean squeezing in a cup of tea while you work at your computer.  I mean the kind where your mind turns off and your body takes over. Carve out time for something that makes you feel like you are suddenly on vacation in your very own house. For example, this morning I woke up late and was supposed to be at therapy in an hour.  My body was like, so not feeling this.  So I emailed my therapist and asked if we could do a phone session.  Score.  I pried myself out of bed (my apartment is freezing) and then, I saw it.  My bathtub.  “Ahhhhhhh!” sang the angels.  Coincidentally, the bathroom happened to be the warmest room in the house.  I knew I wouldn’t have time for a bath before the phone session, so I filled the tub up to near overflowing, poured in some Epsom salts and lavender essential oils and did my whole therapy session from the warm tub.  Needless to say it was one of the most productive, deep, transformative sessions we’ve ever had. 

Report in the comments what you choose to do. It can be anything, but please, go big or go home. Let's inspire each other. On Tuesday, I will reveal the force behind this force, and all the abundance it can bring to your life when you use it frequently and wisely.

Until Tuesday,

Kitty

PS - want to instantly make yourself a Seductress Supreme? My February session of Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice is open for enrollment and already half full. The transformations women experience after taking this class are incredible.  My favorite line from a student this week was "tasks in life have transformed from a sense of duty into a sense of beauty".  Scoop some of this up for yourself by clicking here!