Seductive Speech

Anything can sound seductive, if it is said right
Photo by Sharon Birke

When it comes to seduction, 90% of our communication is non-verbal.  Yes, there is great power in the one-liner, the zinger, the wisecrack; but there is also great truth in the expression “it’s not in what you say, it’s how you say it.”

This week’s blog is all about how to cast a spell with your words.  Whether you are asking for a raise from your boss or seducing a foot massage from your lover, these 5 tips are guaranteed to make you irresistible to whatever it is you desire.

1   Turn the page

When reading a book there is that moment, however brief, where we turn the page.  Our minds and hearts get a momentary respite from the consumption of information.  During that time we integrate all that we have read up until that point.  So it is with our spoken words.  To add an instant seductive quality to your speech, pause for just two beats between sentences the next time you are telling a story.  Practice this with a girlfriend.  For extra credit, at the height of the story, pause for a full five seconds as you hold eye contact to build the anticipation.

2   Less is more

Often when we are speaking, we feel the need to tell all. That we must get our point across, otherwise it feels like a string has been left untied. Play with keeping a little of the story for yourself. Like leaving a bite of chocolate cake uneaten on the plate, leaving a a bit that is unspoken leaves others wanting more. 

3    Casting a spell

My wise friend Veronica Varlow likes to say “words are wands”.  What you say becomes your reality.  Our words act as magic wands to carry out our destiny.  If you say you are insecure, meek, and un-seductive, then that is what you are.  If you say you are hot, gorgeous, and the most seductive thing to hit planet Earth in the last 5,000 years, then that is what you are.  Words have power.  Handle with care.

4     The element of surprise

Betwixt. Clandestine.  Cockalorum. Lubricious. Do you find your ears perking up at these unfamiliar sounds? Seduction is all about intrigue.  Peppering your sentences with words that have a mysterious quality will draw others closer to you as it shows that you speak your own secret language, and that you know how to make what is old and unknown brand new again. 

5    Galvanize

One of my favorite K.C. Baker quotes is: “Don’t worry about trying to say the right thing, just say what is true”.  Conversations that are full of fluff that is just meant to impress another are a SNOOZE.  When you say what is true, rather than what you think you should say, the air fills with electricity.  Like a splash of cool water in a dark, stuffy room, the truth wakes us up.  It galvanizes both the speaker and the listener alike.  Be willing to wake up the world with your truth.  Not only does the world need your truth, it begs for it. 

What are some of your favorite techniques for casting a seductive spell with your words? Click here to tell me in a comment.  Just don't forget.....to turn....the...page.

PS - July 1st begins my new online program 'Your Seductress: Unveiled.'  If you intend to spend $120 or more over the next 6 months on clothing, pedicures, self help books, alcohol, or anything else that makes you feel momentarily more seductive, let me suggest this investment in yourself.  This course deals with the inner work of seduction. Long lasting seductive power is not found in a bottle of nail polish.  It is found inside your innately seductive soul. Click here to say yes...

Staying Seductive At Times That Are Like, So Not

One of the questions I am most often asked about practicing seduction is “how do you stay a seductress when you are in an environment that is so not seductive?” (such as being at work, or with family, or stuck in traffic)

This is a question that has many answers.  One of the answers will be revealed in this blog post. A few more will be sprinkled in over the next few weeks.  (The really juicy ones will be delivered live in my new April 5^th class The Seductive Life.  Just sayin’. ;)

Let’s be clear about one thing first.  Seduction is not roses, candles, dark chocolate and lingerie.  Seduction is a force.  It is an elemental component of our lives.  Let’s say, for example, you find yourself in a rest stop bathroom.  Not the most seductive of environments.  And you know what? That is OK.  A seductress is not a magic fairy who can change a stinky bathroom into being as much of a pleasure as a field of lavender. The seductress? Her magic does not reside solely in the ethereal. Her real magic is her humanity. 

Hubba-Hubba. 

I bring this up is because many of my students doubt their abilities as a seductress when they are not feeling happy, and aroused in every moment of every day. Listen:  life is a mosaic, not a Lisa Frank illustration.  There are as many smooth pearls in this work of art as there are spiky bits of glass.  There are diamonds twinkling right alongside bits of aluminum can and shiny porcelain next to rough, rugged clay.  That is what makes it so interesting.

My actual childhood lunchbox, thank you Lisa Frank. 

We are fortunate to live in an age where there is a developing consciousness of the fact that we have the power to create our life, rather than lay victim to it. But when this philosophy is adopted as edict, it can often bring with it a sense of perpetual dissatisfaction.   When we feel dissatisfied, we think “Uh-oh.  I am not living the law of attraction! I need to get into gratitude, fast!  Let me write a gratitude list. Think positive! Think positive!”  That’s all fine and good if you are really feeling grateful, but there is a big difference between genuine gratitude and trying to cheat the system. There is no right ratio of self-love to humility, gratitude to ambition.  There are tools, but there is no formula.

So, how does this relate to seduction?  How do we stay in our seductress, even when we are in a situation that is un-seductive? It all starts by understanding that there is no ‘staying in our seductress’, because we never leave our seductress.  Seduction is a force, not a state. We are always seducing and being seduced, constantly.  Let’s say for example, you eat an entire microwave pizza and bag of dried mango like I just did.  I can tell myself that that was so not seductive, that seductresses don’t overeat.  Hell, seductresses don’t even eat microwave pizza.  Certainly not while standing in the kitchen in their pajamas at 3pm on a Monday.

I do love a good dressing gown.

Where’s the dressing gown with a long train spreading out over the bed as she slowly consumes one fresh cherry after another out of a pristine porcelain bowl?  The truth is, those things just didn’t seduce me today. 

Today, I am pumping out multiple articles and adding three new items to my website.  I am feeling a bit stressed. I am coping by eating a little more than I need to, and rebelling against the system by staying in my pajamas.  This, people, I hate to tell you, is seduction.  The pajamas, the mango, the to-do list; they all seduced me today.  The way I stay in my seductress is that I don’t berate myself for not doing things another way.  I have pride in my pizza bloat.  I think it’s really cute. And there is no force on Earth that is more potent or seductive than total ownership and pride in oneself and one’s actions.

In contrast, last night I wanted to do something but had no plans, and didn’t really want to leave the house.  So I took a bubble bath, massaged every inch of my skin with sweet smelling lotion, and put on a party dress and makeup.  I lit every candle in my home and got out my craft bin to make homemade greeting cards and send secret admirer cards to my best friends.  This may sound like it was a more seductive venture than the pizza, but that is not true. It would only be true if we were defining seduction as looking good to other people.  But seduction is not about doing things that look good to other people.  Seduction is doing the things that look good to YOU. 

Do you feel like seduction is a state that is dependent on what your wearing or where you are? Do tell in the comments below. 

Journey In Seduction - An Interview with Veronica Varlow

I recently went over to the house of my muse and inspiration, Veronica Varlow, to interview her about our upcoming class, Journey In Seduction. (which is almost sold out. like, for real.) Knowing Veronica I had an expectation that her place would be pretty awesome.  What I did not expect is to have my breath literally taken away the moment I walked in the door. 

I have never been in an apartment like this.   The entire place vibrated with seductive, magical energy.  There were plush purple carpets, golden silk draperies, chandeliers made entirely of candles and altars everywhere.  

This is exactly what I love about Veronica.  She LIVES IT.  She is not just a pretty face that uses smoke and mirrors to give the illusion of living a seductive life.  Whether she is in a truck stop bathroom or a suite at the Ritz, this woman knows how to create her temple wherever she goes.  

When I got home from doing this interview I immediately rearranged my bedroom furniture and now spend my evenings in bed by the light of about 20 candles, with Bessie Smith lulling me to a sleepy state, writing in my journal the seductive adventures of that day.  

Veronica inspires simply by being who she is, that is my favorite thing about her.  I did not adopt this evening ritual because I want to be more like her.  It was because I saw her living in her seductive essence, and it inspired me to do the same for myself. 

March 23rd, come, be inspired. 

Right now, enjoy this interview, the very tip of the iceberg of secrets to be revealed.  

The Best Valentine's Day Of My Life (so far)

I like Valentines Day.  I know some people don’t, but I do.  It is a holiday that inspires romance, and romance is very important to me. I understand the Valentines Day Haters. The head-trip of Valentines Day, as it is with all commercial holidays, is that it can be a total set up for disappointment.  For example, Christmas doesn’t really feel like Christmas without the fireplace, presents, family, eggnog, etc. (Even if you don’t like eggnog, presents, or your family). Valentine’s Day without the flowers, cards, chocolates, balloons, lingerie and sex, can sometimes inspire a sense of failure or emptiness.

What a bunch of hoo-ha.

Valentine roses gracing my nightstand.
Thank you Mr. Cavalier.

My day started with my husband returning from a morning run, sweaty and red faced, presenting me with yellow roses.  I could have gotten mad that he didn’t buy pink and red ones the night before, and rouse me with their fragrance while wearing a tuxedo, but come on, we’re all just trying to live our lives here. His spontaneity and sweaty face made the delivery even more special.

I then headed out to meet my dear friend and inspiration Kate Northrup, for a deliriously funny and heartfelt interview on her web series, Glimpse TV.  On the way, I found three blank valentine’s in my purse that I had planned to send to family and friends.  Some may have used this un-accomplished task as a reason for self-flagellation. “Ugh, I’m such a procrastinator!” But a Sacred Seductress knows better.  She knows that procrastination is simply evidence that her original plan did not really seduce her, and there is clearly an even better one in progress already. 

 I had a pack of pink bubble gum in my purse as well as the valentines, so I dropped a piece of gum into the envelope and signed the card:

Kate,

Merci.

Je T'aime. 

Hubba Bubba.

Love,

Kitty

She loved it. So did I. Perfection.

After the interview I took my happy, rosy-cheeked self to Tea and Sympathy to meet my living, breathing valentine, Vivi Le Voix - opera burlesque extraordinaire. There she was, waiting on the bench outside, wearing a bright red dress with perfect red lips, drenched in sunlight.  As I approached her I thought “Wow, if that is my best friend, I am doing something seriously right!” We embraced and then sat down to rose petal tea and heart shaped scones.  Swoon. 

Is she Valentines Day embodied
or WHAT??

I remembered that there were two valentines left in my purse, and suggested to Vivi that she and I write them to each other.   I leaned over to the gentlemen at the table next to us and asked if they had a pen. The four of us struck up a conversation about theatre, Buddhism and people we happened to have in common. They were so lovely.  As we turned away to write our cards to each other, I nudged Vivi under the table and whispered, “Let’s write the cards to THEM!” She enthusiastically agreed.

Mine said:

Seduced by the scones

Jerry,

Happy day of love, romance, cupid, charm and cheek. I love you already!

Love,

Kitty Cavalier

As they were getting ready to leave, we silently slipped them our secret Valentines.  They were bowled over with delight. Stealth Love Bomb Success!

As if things could get any better, I then went to Sacred Brooklyn, an amazing movement studio in Clinton Hill.  We were celebrating One Billion Rising, the dance movement started by Eve Ensler to end violence against women and girls.  It was an incredible night of dance and passion. I had the privilege of teaching choreography to “Break The Chain” the One Billion Rising theme dance.  Students always thank the teacher after class (and I so appreciate that) but really, we teachers are the most fortunate ones.   When you teach, you are basically saying a prayer to God of “Use me”.  There is no greater honor. 

After that rush of endorphins, power and divinity, I pedaled my bike over to a local bar to meet my beloved for a Valentines cocktail.  He doesn’t like it when I share the details of our sweet, precious love with the whole Internet, so I will not.  I will however share this photo of us in that moment.

The most important thing I learned this Valentines Day is that seduction requires substance.  All the rose petals, heart shaped boxes and champagne in the world cannot compete with real love, real friendship, and real generosity of spirit.  I am so grateful.

Lastly, I was recently reminded by my friend Veronica Varlow of a practice we did in her class of writing a love letter to one’s self.  The object was to write as though we were an artist writing about a beloved muse. I will leave you with that letter.  To love my friends, to love!

Veronica et Moi

My dearest, most darling inspiration,

That which inspires my every breath. That which reshapes me every moment.  That which lets me know that God, Goddess, Heaven, the Angels, are all alive and well. 

I want you to know that every drop of you, every breath, every heartbeat, every thought, every word you speak is steeped deep in Divinity.

When you awaken, the Angels cry out in rapture.  When you retire, the moon takes its slow, sweet time, as it doesn't want to miss a moment where it gets to caress your skin. 

Do me a favor.  Never go fast.  Go slow.  Take your time.  Do everything with this deliberate knowing of your magnificence. If you do this, we will all be OK.

I adore you.

www.kittycavalier.com

www.seductionretreat.com

PS - Veronica Varlow is back at The School of Charm and Cheek on March 23rd with her new class "Journey In Seduction".  We just released it last week and it is already half full.  Grab your spot while you can!