Staying Seductive At Times That Are Like, So Not

One of the questions I am most often asked about practicing seduction is “how do you stay a seductress when you are in an environment that is so not seductive?” (such as being at work, or with family, or stuck in traffic)

This is a question that has many answers.  One of the answers will be revealed in this blog post. A few more will be sprinkled in over the next few weeks.  (The really juicy ones will be delivered live in my new April 5^th class The Seductive Life.  Just sayin’. ;)

Let’s be clear about one thing first.  Seduction is not roses, candles, dark chocolate and lingerie.  Seduction is a force.  It is an elemental component of our lives.  Let’s say, for example, you find yourself in a rest stop bathroom.  Not the most seductive of environments.  And you know what? That is OK.  A seductress is not a magic fairy who can change a stinky bathroom into being as much of a pleasure as a field of lavender. The seductress? Her magic does not reside solely in the ethereal. Her real magic is her humanity. 

Hubba-Hubba. 

I bring this up is because many of my students doubt their abilities as a seductress when they are not feeling happy, and aroused in every moment of every day. Listen:  life is a mosaic, not a Lisa Frank illustration.  There are as many smooth pearls in this work of art as there are spiky bits of glass.  There are diamonds twinkling right alongside bits of aluminum can and shiny porcelain next to rough, rugged clay.  That is what makes it so interesting.

My actual childhood lunchbox, thank you Lisa Frank. 

We are fortunate to live in an age where there is a developing consciousness of the fact that we have the power to create our life, rather than lay victim to it. But when this philosophy is adopted as edict, it can often bring with it a sense of perpetual dissatisfaction.   When we feel dissatisfied, we think “Uh-oh.  I am not living the law of attraction! I need to get into gratitude, fast!  Let me write a gratitude list. Think positive! Think positive!”  That’s all fine and good if you are really feeling grateful, but there is a big difference between genuine gratitude and trying to cheat the system. There is no right ratio of self-love to humility, gratitude to ambition.  There are tools, but there is no formula.

So, how does this relate to seduction?  How do we stay in our seductress, even when we are in a situation that is un-seductive? It all starts by understanding that there is no ‘staying in our seductress’, because we never leave our seductress.  Seduction is a force, not a state. We are always seducing and being seduced, constantly.  Let’s say for example, you eat an entire microwave pizza and bag of dried mango like I just did.  I can tell myself that that was so not seductive, that seductresses don’t overeat.  Hell, seductresses don’t even eat microwave pizza.  Certainly not while standing in the kitchen in their pajamas at 3pm on a Monday.

I do love a good dressing gown.

Where’s the dressing gown with a long train spreading out over the bed as she slowly consumes one fresh cherry after another out of a pristine porcelain bowl?  The truth is, those things just didn’t seduce me today. 

Today, I am pumping out multiple articles and adding three new items to my website.  I am feeling a bit stressed. I am coping by eating a little more than I need to, and rebelling against the system by staying in my pajamas.  This, people, I hate to tell you, is seduction.  The pajamas, the mango, the to-do list; they all seduced me today.  The way I stay in my seductress is that I don’t berate myself for not doing things another way.  I have pride in my pizza bloat.  I think it’s really cute. And there is no force on Earth that is more potent or seductive than total ownership and pride in oneself and one’s actions.

In contrast, last night I wanted to do something but had no plans, and didn’t really want to leave the house.  So I took a bubble bath, massaged every inch of my skin with sweet smelling lotion, and put on a party dress and makeup.  I lit every candle in my home and got out my craft bin to make homemade greeting cards and send secret admirer cards to my best friends.  This may sound like it was a more seductive venture than the pizza, but that is not true. It would only be true if we were defining seduction as looking good to other people.  But seduction is not about doing things that look good to other people.  Seduction is doing the things that look good to YOU. 

Do you feel like seduction is a state that is dependent on what your wearing or where you are? Do tell in the comments below. 

Seduction Series Week #3: How To Never Be Boring

First of all, thank you for your emails and blog comments on how it’s been going with the Seduction Series.  Keep them coming! (And, let me just get this out of the way: if you are liking this series, COME TO SEDUCTION IS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE! February 1^st and 2^nd.  This is the last time I will be offering this class until at least the Fall.  I promise, the very last thing you will ever do is regret it.)

Okay, now on to the good stuff.

Last week’s step toward becoming a Sacred Seductress was this: “when someone does something that pisses you off, no matter how little, say something. Or, if you choose to not say something, take notice of how it feels in the moment, and then in the days after.”

One of the common misconceptions we have about the seductress is that she is either a) always cool headed and never has to deal with people pissing her off because she would never let things get to that point; or that b) she is a raging bitch and no one dares cross her because she is so cold and ruthless. 

Yawn. These theories need a refresh.

The entire point of my work is to take the seductress out of the realm of a mythical figment and into a human being.  Human beings get pissed off. Human beings piss each other off.  This is normal.  The craft of our seduction practice is how we deal with being pissed off, and use it to hone our seduction abilities.

First, a review - what does it mean to be a Sacred Seductress? It means living in a state of magnetism, attracting and seducing the things you want into your life, and surrendering to your partnership with the Divine in order to set this process in motion.

The average Monday Morning of a
seductress, in our fantasies.
Reclining River Nymph at the Fountain
  Lucas Cranach the Elde

When we think of the seductress, we often envision a female lust-pot reclining on a red velvet fainting couch smoking an exotic type of cigarette. You may not own a red velvet fainting couch (I don’t…yet) and you may not give a toss about exotic cigarettes, but in this imagery, it is not the surroundings that are the fiber of seduction. This woman does not seem like the type to be barraged by a million requests to go out of her way for others. She sets boundaries, she has standards.  You respect her because you can tell she respects herself.

There is a quote by Marcel Proust: “An absence, the decline of a dinner invitation, an unintentional coldness, can accomplish more than all the cosmetics and beautiful dresses in the world.”

 In our culture we are taught to say yes to everything, to take on as much as we can and please everyone no matter what. How many of us have ever put up with something that is un-pleasurable, or even downright painful, just so we could avoid the discomfort of saying no? Most often the reason we find saying no to be so uncomfortable is because we are afraid of meeting another person’s disapproval. 

Well people, get ready for me to blow your mind.

Your ability to say no is the key to being liked, adored and admired.

Let’s say that again: your ability to say no is the key to being liked, adored and admired.

A real seductress knows what she wants.  She knows when she wants it.  She also knows what she doesn’t want, and she is unafraid of expressing all of this. A woman who owns her no is never a bore because she never says yes to things that bore her. This is a woman who can teach you a thing or two, you can sense it.  She is someone you naturally want to be around because you know you can trust her.  You know you can trust her because you can tell she trusts herself.

She is skilled in giving out something I call...The Seductive Smackdown.

Secretly? Yum.

The Seductive Smackdown is not about intentionally hurting others or spreading ill will. It’s not a form of aggression, where you throw a verbal flame-thrower at whoever is in your path. Nor is it passive; putting up with annoying behavior and talking yourself into the idea that it is the “nice” thing to do to be tolerant.  It is not passive aggression, where your friend asks you to pick up her kids from school for the tenth time, and instead of expressing your feelings directly, you are 30 minutes late to pick them up and feed them gummy worms for dinner.

The Seductive Smackdown is not about hurting others or winning a game.  It is not about saying the right thing or putting on a mask that will manipulate the other person into doing things your way.  It is actually about taking off the mask and simply speaking what is really on your mind. A seductress knows she cannot control other people’s viewpoints, nor can she control outcomes.  What she can do is contribute her thoughts and viewpoints to a situation, gently steering the ship in her desired direction.  If the ship keeps going in the opposite direction of where she wants to go, she has the option either get off and swim to a new adventure, or take a firmer hold on the wheel.   

I chose NOT to swim away from this adventure.

Either way, she will leave that situation triumphant because she has given it all she’s got.  If things don’t go her way, it’s no big deal.  It only clears the way for something even better to appear, and for her to surrender more deeply to the fact that that ship was never really meant for her in the first place.

When I gave you this assignment some of you may have found it a challenge.  You are not unique.  We think of the seductress as being someone who always knows what to say, and when to say it. If you find yourself tongue tied, you might think you are too meek to really play the game. But actually, it is in these precise moments of being tongue tied when TRUE seduction can enter the room.

True seduction is not based on tricks or false pretenses. Falsities are not attractive, and you can smell them from a mile away.  True seduction is about letting yourself be vulnerable; allowing your throat to get dry, letting your cheeks get flushed.  This may make you feel embarrassed, but I say take it as a wink from the heavens that you are in exactly the right spot. There is nothing sexier than the truth. When you tell the truth you are attracting what you TRULY want, and repelling what you do not.  You instantly activate the law of attraction, because when you tell the truth, no matter how messy or vulnerable it makes you feel, you attract what is true FOR YOU. And this, my friends, is the science behind Sacred Seduction.   

I would love to know what you think.  Do you agree? What is your take on seduction and vulnerability? How did it go with practicing this assignment? Tell me all about it in the comments below. 

This week's assignment: Make a list, mental or written of all the things you want in life that you feel impatient about not yet having.  They can be material (like a house) or otherwise (like losing 10lb.s) Notice what you get frustrated over, and bring that list to next weeks blog post, where I will be revealing some of the Secrets to Seductive Timing. 

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