Until about six months ago, the topic of seduction used to simultaneously scare me to death and intrigue me beyond words. I always associated seduction with manipulation, never revealing one's true self, never being vulnerable, and using sex as a commodity. But then, simultaneously, when I would read a story about a seductress, I would burn with envy and desire. When I looked at my icons, all of them seemed to be masters of seduction. So, because I like a little buck in my bronco, I decided to take this topic on, plunge in head first, and make it a Pleasure Project.
A Pleasure Project is what I do when something scares me, or mystifies me, or just confuses me, and I take it on as research - like an anthropologist. Whenever I feel called to take on a new pleasure project, it is not because I'm bored or need something to do. It is because something in me is calling, tugging at me, desiring to be explored and expressed. Take, for example, G-spot orgasms. This may be an over-share, (sorry parents and husband) but this topic is something that has been on my radar forever, and I've always wanted to learn more. But simultaneously I feel exhausted at the prospect of exploring such a diverse and confronting topic. So last night I when I went to buy my favorite skin care products and the store was closed, and I found myself right next door to Babeland (a female friendly sex shop here in NY) I knew it was time. So, with the help of a sweet and knowledgeable female associate, I courageously blew $400 on all things G. Wish me luck. We'll see if that research makes it into the blog.
In The Tepidarium, Sir Lawrence Alma Tadema
So when the word seduction kept flying around my consciousness like a mosquito I couldn't swat, I started by ordering countless books on Amazon. Some of these books were amazing, some were downright repulsive, but all were educative. I started noticing themes of seduction and opportunities for seduction showing up everywhere. I would ask myself, "What would be the most seductive move in this situation?" And I started having ALOT of fun.
One of my most interesting findings is that we always associate seduction with sex, when in fact, true seduction is the opposite of sex. Sex is when desire is met. Seduction is not about the culmination or gratification of desire, it is about the thrill of the desire itself. It is the game that is played as the desire comes closer, and closer, and closer, and being able to maintain that tension of wanting for a long, long time.
As I started practicing seduction not just in my love life but everywhere in my life, I noticed a few things. Number one, I had more energy. Why? I no longer felt the need to people please. Do you want to know one of the most seductive things in the entire world? The ability to say NO. I realized that in my effort to make people like me, I said yes way too much. We’ve all heard that setting boundaries and saying no to things is necessary, but no one had ever framed it as being sexy. Well that was all I needed. I started experimenting with saying no to people, offers, requests for help, etc. Sometimes I actually wanted to do these things, but I would force myself to say no just to experiment with that delicious tension, and become more comfortable with it. Of course, this can be every woman's greatest fear, saying no. What if I offend someone? What if they won't like me? But you know what happened? People started liking me MORE. My time and my attention became way more valuable to myself and to others. And the unnecessary things in my life began to fall away, leaving way more time and attention for the things I really, really, really wanted to do.
The Fountain, Peter Fendi
I have so much more to say on this topic, of course, I must now leave you wanting. I am so proud of this new baby. It is truly the finest class I have ever taught. I am so grateful to every woman who came to the class and is willing to join me as we resurrect the holy, beautiful, sacred archetype of the Seductress.
PS – My next Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice is happening July 13th and 14th. I would love to have you join me.