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Friday, June 28, 2013

What's Brown And Sticky?

Age 17, a glamazon in the making

Imagine it: Me. Age 17. Siting in the back row of my high school math class, laughing maniacally. Like, on the verge of rolling around on the floor maniacally. Someone had just told me the best joke I had heard in a long time. What's brown and sticky? A stick. 

When I was a teenager, corny jokes cracked me UP. I was a big fan of cheesy humor, which I assumed made me immature and uncool. I added it to the list of reasons why I thought none of the boys liked me and I had never had a boyfriend.

Then, few months ago, a blast from the high school past came into my life. He was of the male variety. He told me his perspective about how I was perceived by my tiny, catholic, high school class.
He told me that all the boys liked me. Alot. He even told me that one of them was on the verge of asking me to be his girlfriend senior year. This was NEWS TO ME. It made me wonder what high school would have been like had I found my quirks charming and cheeky instead of inexperienced and immature. Or, if I at least could have faked feeling that way.

When it comes to seduction, the number one (of two) thing you need to practice it it confidence. But I'd like to qualify that. Confidence, can be either real or imagined. I have had a long journey with confidence.  I've gone from hating my body and renouncing the sensual to being a burlesque performer and teaching seduction. What I have discovered is that when it comes confident people, at least half the time they are faking it until they make it. 

For example, have you ever wanted a piece of clothing but thought "oh, I could never pull that off". The people who do pull it off usually think that about themselves at first too.  But they just buy it and wear it. Eventually, after they adjust to the turbulence of taking up more space with their style, they are searching for the next piece that presses their edge. (I know because I am one of these people.)

My words of seductive wisdom today are this: being a seductress is not about what you project, it's about who you are. Whether you like dirty jokes, sarcastic jokes, or super corny jokes, just love what you love. As we learned this week "love is love". Love what you love. It is enough.

PS - A guy walks into a bar and says: ouch!!! HA! What a scream!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Seductive Speech


Anything can sound seductive, if it is said right
Photo by Sharon Birke

When it comes to seduction, 90% of our communication is non-verbal.  Yes, there is great power in the one-liner, the zinger, the wisecrack; but there is also great truth in the expression “it’s not in what you say, it’s how you say it.”

This week’s blog is all about how to cast a spell with your words.  Whether you are asking for a raise from your boss or seducing a foot massage from your lover, these 5 tips are guaranteed to make you irresistible to whatever it is you desire.

1   Turn the page
When reading a book there is that moment, however brief, where we turn the page.  Our minds and hearts get a momentary respite from the consumption of information.  During that time we integrate all that we have read up until that point.  So it is with our spoken words.  To add an instant seductive quality to your speech, pause for just two beats between sentences the next time you are telling a story.  Practice this with a girlfriend.  For extra credit, at the height of the story, pause for a full five seconds as you hold eye contact to build the anticipation.

2   Less is more
Often when we are speaking, we feel the need to tell all. That we must get our point across, otherwise it feels like a string has been left untied. Play with keeping a little of the story for yourself. Like leaving a bite of chocolate cake uneaten on the plate, leaving a a bit that is unspoken leaves others wanting more. 

3    Casting a spell
My wise friend Veronica Varlow likes to say “words are wands”.  What you say becomes your reality.  Our words act as magic wands to carry out our destiny.  If you say you are insecure, meek, and un-seductive, then that is what you are.  If you say you are hot, gorgeous, and the most seductive thing to hit planet Earth in the last 5,000 years, then that is what you are.  Words have power.  Handle with care.

4     The element of surprise
Betwixt. Clandestine.  Cockalorum. Lubricious. Do you find your ears perking up at these unfamiliar sounds? Seduction is all about intrigue.  Peppering your sentences with words that have a mysterious quality will draw others closer to you as it shows that you speak your own secret language, and that you know how to make what is old and unknown brand new again. 

5    Galvanize

One of my favorite K.C. Baker quotes is: “Don’t worry about trying to say the right thing, just say what is true”.  Conversations that are full of fluff that is just meant to impress another are a SNOOZE.  When you say what is true, rather than what you think you should say, the air fills with electricity.  Like a splash of cool water in a dark, stuffy room, the truth wakes us up.  It galvanizes both the speaker and the listener alike.  Be willing to wake up the world with your truth.  Not only does the world need your truth, it begs for it. 

What are some of your favorite techniques for casting a seductive spell with your words? Click here to tell me in a comment.  Just don't forget.....to turn....the...page.


PS - July 1st begins my new online program 'Your Seductress: Unveiled.'  If you intend to spend $120 or more over the next 6 months on clothing, pedicures, self help books, alcohol, or anything else that makes you feel momentarily more seductive, let me suggest this investment in yourself.  This course deals with the inner work of seduction. Long lasting seductive power is not found in a bottle of nail polish.  It is found inside your innately seductive soul. Click here to say yes...

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

My Body Doesn't Need A Reason

My ideal customer.
Are you my ideal customer?
(The other day I was holding a puppy in a pet store and kept asking her “are you my dog?” I figured if I had to ask, the answer was probably no.)

This weekend I am throwing the party of the year: Intro to Qoya teacher training.  I have a few spots left, and I thought to myself this morning, “what would my ideal customer want to hear that would make them decide to come?”

Then I slapped myself in the face.

Qoya.  Nuff' said. 
Because that is simply not how we roll here at the School of Charm and Cheek.  When I write a piece, it is because I have a story I want to tell you.  Not because that story relates to whatever product is on the proverbial shelf that week, which might convince you to buy it.  I can smell that a mile away, and I know you can, too.  However, this week I do have a story to tell you, and it is about Qoya.  And while I do want to fill those spots with gorgeous, extraordinary, legendary women, I don’t want women there because they were seduced by hearing exactly what they wanted to hear.  The kind of seduction we practice is not like that.  The only women I want in that room are the women who have been called…where my words are simply an affirmation of their inner voice. 

So, without further ado, sit at my feet.  Lounge on a pillow as a sister strokes your hair.  Let me tell you a story….

Like most children, when I was young, I wished for supernatural powers.  I was, for the most part, convinced that I had them.  I could turn a rock into a crystal ball, a flat stone into a tablet on which I would communicate secret messages with my fairy Godmother.  The grave of my hamster was not some kid’s tribute to her furry friend.  It was a sacred, ancient burial ground that demanded respect. 

My supernatural powers felt most distinct when I would shoot out our back door like a bullet from a gun, screen door slamming behind me, lunging at my swing set/jungle gym with a ferociousness that I think made it brace for it’s own self.  I would hang upside down for hours and attempt death defying feats from the highest pole.  The slide? Please.  Don’t waste my time.  Give me the rings or give me death.
My fairy Godmother has always resembled Anjelica Huston in Mists of Avalon. 

Looking back now, I am able to see that my most potent magic would happen when I was enjoying my body.  Somewhere along the line, as it does with most young girls, that magic was tucked away.  For my own protection and the protection of the world around me, my feminine magic was locked in a chest.  But you know that fairy Godmother of mine.  She is one cheeky little minx.  She didn’t throw the key away like the culture would have her do.  She simply hid it in the folds of her dress, and eventually gave it to a friend of mine, to be given back to me when time was right. 

That friend is Rochelle Schieck.  Rochelle is Qoya’s founder. I’ve known Ro for several years and have been blessed to watch Qoya’s evolution.  About a year ago, I felt called to become a Qoya teacher. I want to let you in on one of the thousands of rewards that have come from making that decision.

This past weekend, I had one of the biggest ruptures of my life.  A relationship that I thought was going one way turned out to be going the complete opposite way.  I was blindsided. But was I really? Here’s the thing. When I received this news, I wasn’t so much shocked as I was relieved that my mind had finally caught up with my body. 

You see, my body knew all along what was really going on.  But because I couldn’t use logic to explain that feeling, I decided to let the outside world convince me that it was a feeling to be ignored. However, the nature of feelings is this: just like the key to that chest hidden in my fairy Godmother’s skirt, they never really get thrown away. They simply get altered. We adapt around them.  Kind of like the way the body can grow and adapt around a bullet after one has been shot.

Well, this weekend the bullet was pulled out.  And strangely, what fills this hole now, alongside tremendous grief, is a sense of relief and validation.  My body was right all along.  This has been the lesson of this experience: my body is always right.  She doesn’t need a reason.  She doesn’t need to explain. She may not offer words, but the feeling she offers is more than reason enough.
 
Solo Qoya in the desert
Where I learned this lesson most profoundly is in the Qoya classroom.  Had I not heard the messages of Qoya echo in my ears a thousand times “if it feels good, that is how you know you are doing it right; feel everything; there is no way you can do this wrong,” I would probably be clinging to trying to make the outcome of this situation different than it is.  But thanks to Qoya, I know the physical sensations of letting go, embracing the unknown, and doing what feels good, trusting that that will take me where I need to go.  And because I know what those feel like, I know how to put them into action

Last night I almost cancelled Qoya because I was feeling so sad.  But I forced myself to go, and waiting for me there was the bosom of my fairy Godmother herself, found in the magic of dancing, shaking, saluting the sun, sensing, feeling and surrendering. I left there remembering what it feels like for everything to be ok. 

If this story speaks to you, if my words resonate with the words that live in your heart, I invite you to join me and a badass group of dancing revolutionaries this weekend.  There is no experience necessary.

You are stronger than you think you are. 

More creative.
More brilliant. 
More courageous. 
More wise.

Through movement, we remember.
We remember that as women, our essence is wise, wild and free.


Thursday, June 6, 2013

"Things I Love"

Sex Magic Candle Spell
Whenever I get asked "what do you do?" at a cocktail party, it's always a crapshoot.  Since I teach seduction as a spiritual practice (and am proud of it), I never know what the response will be to my answer.  Recently I was standing near my dear friend Fabiola as she answered this question.  Her response? "Things I love". To this day I do not know if Fabiola works or has a job, nor do I care.  This weekend I realized that "things I love" is actually the most truthful answer I could give to this question. 

This weekend I hosted three events.  Otherwise known as: work.  My work = the things I love.   

The things I love are going back in time to a gypsy caravan with my iconic friend Veronica Varlow and about 30 other women. On Friday night Veronica took us on a tour of Sex Magic; tried and true ancient rituals passed down to her from her gypsy lineage that cast an unforgettable spell on everything we encountered. We anointed ourselves, we built a sex altar together, we blindfolded one another and fed each other juicy fruit, and we ignited our seductive spirits with a candle spell. See, I loved that.

Opera, Seduction and Burlesque
Then on Saturday I had the honor and privilege of hosting an evening of Opera, Seduction and Burlesque with my best friend and courtesan of the arts, ViVi La Voix. Under a red, sheer, bejeweled tent we had our bones rattled and our worlds rocked by Viv's epic and eternal operatic voice. We lounged on piles of red velvet pillows and were dazzled by compelling and unforgettable opera burlesque striptease vignettes. Tears were shed as we watched Tosca bleed, Carmen surrender, Butterfly choose, and Maria bless. Yup, loved that too.

 Brooklyn Goddess Salon at Sacred
On Sunday I got to step into the sanctuary that is Sacred Brooklyn Studio, and be pleasantly surprised by the group of 7 women I had planned for multiplying to 15 before my very eyes. I still have full body chills as I recall te potent sensual power that electrified the air as the women mastered the Queen's walk, and blessed every inch of Earth with every sensual step. Ahhhhhh. Love.

And now today is the day where I get to spread the love all around the world like I am frosting a cake. Today is the launch of my brand new online program - Your Seductress: Unveiled. It is a four week adventure in uncovering the seductress that lives within you. Yes, you. Every woman is a seductress. All she needs to embody it are exercises, reminders, information and some  girlfriends by her side. It is really that simple.  For years I have been receiving requests to put my work on an online forum, rather than just in a classroom.  Finally, this has seduced me, and I am ready for you. 


www.kittycavalier.com

I don't know about you, but personally I feel like a bubble that just sailed over the rim of an overflowing champagne glass. Wheeeeeeee!