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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

With Grace & Gumption

Hilary, gabbin'.

One of the things that I love about being a full time seductress is the permission it has given me to practice adornment.  When we look back to the days of God and Goddess worship around the fire, our ancestors did not show up to ritual in some old sack.  They adorned themselves with feathers, headdresses, painted faces, kohl rimmed eyes, and hands and feet dyed with the blood of crushed berries.  They showed UP for the act of worship.  Beauty is a way to honor and pay tribute to the divine in us, and in all things.

In this current century though, it can be quite the mind-f*ck.  Adornment is filled with the stench of competition and empty ornamentation for the sake of keeping up with a trend.  This does not interest me.  What interests me is dressing ourselves in a way that shines our authentic, seductive soul like a beacon at the top of a lighthouse.

That is one of the reasons I am so happy to introduce to my teacher Hilary Rushford.  Hilary is the founder of Dean Street Society and she is a style genius.  What I love about Hilary is that she approaches style as the art of individuality.  Her practical, easy to implement tools have certainly made opening my closet door a more fun and pleasurable act.

Enjoy this interview of me and Hilary talking it up about how to let your wardrobe seduce you!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Don't Get Back On The Horse

Recently I was speaking with a dear friend who just got back from an extended vacation intended to refresh him.  As he returned to his job and daily activities however, he found himself more demotivated and uninspired than ever. 

“I just can’t seem to get back on the horse”, he said.

When I was in Costa Rica on the Qoya retreat two years ago, one of the activities I chose was horseback riding.  I got thrown off a horse when I was 12 so I prayed for a calm, easy, gentle giant to return to riding.  My friend Becca on the other hand, saw a spotted looking thing with a punk rock haircut and a walleye.  “I want that one!”  she said. (Becca is a brilliant jewelry designer and has great taste for the eclectic. She owns a fabulous company with her Mother and sister called POUND. Check em' out.)

That bronco threw her off onto the rocky beach within 40 seconds.

In that moment, Becca had a choice to make.  She could be afraid of horses for the rest of her life, go back to her room and lick her wounds (justifiably), or she could “get back on the horse”. 

What would you do?
The bronco in question, Becca after the throw & a signature POUND treasure
Becca choose to get back on the horse.  The key thing is though, that she made sure to choose a different horse on which to ride. 

I often talk about how the double edged sword of living in such a conscious age is that while we are given so many tools to practice acceptance and improve our lives, sometimes we can use these tools to drive ourselves crazy.  Rather than choosing a different horse, we change the saddle, brush the horse, feed it carrots, and get frustrated when we get tossed off over and over again.

In my own journey, I saw this play out dramatically in my work life.  I worked at a corporate job in my twenties and stayed about three years past the point of when I wanted to leave. I hated my job. I felt like my soul was dying, I wasn’t sleeping and I had severe anxiety. When I encountered people who were passionate about their work I wanted to punch them in the face.  But every day I would write effing gratitude lists for my job, or I would buy flowers for my desk.  I would do all sorts of things to rearrange the deck furniture on this sinking ship.  The whole time I thought something was wrong with me that I couldn’t get back on the horse of productivity and professionalism.  What I realize now is that it would have made everyone’s life easier: myself, my family, my co-workers, if I had just listened to what my intuition that was telling me: find a different horse. 
I was raised on a horse farm, so I know about these things. :)
A very common question I get about using seduction as a spiritual practice is “how do you seduce yourself into something you don’t want to do?” Well, that is a contradiction in terms.   If you don’t want to do something, it has not, nor will it ever seduce you.  It first has to become more attractive. 

Let’s take working out as an example.  You want to get up in the morning and go to the gym but you just can’t seem to do it.  If this were me I would probably get myself some hot new workout clothes, find girlfriends to meet me at the gym in the morning, reward myself with a smoothie before my workout for even waking up, put gold stars on my calendar for every day I worked out, keep a special set of fancy bath products in my locker and worship my naked body in the mirror after my workout with sandalwood lotion.  The possibilities are endless!

However, there is one key factor that I am leaving out: at this time in my life, you couldn’t pay me to join a gym.

To me, gym culture feels violent, boring and stinks of self-loathing as a means to create transformation.  That ain’t Kitty Cavalier. (Note: there are people reading this who love the gym and I honor you.  It’s just not my journey right now.)  For me, I don’t exercise. Instead, I connect to this temple that houses my soul with pleasure based movement. Qoya, dancing in my living room, morning stretches in my bed, chasing Winnie through a grassy field, the occasional yoga class, lifting my leg to admire it and flexing it to feel musculature.  All of these “work me out”.  But I have given up on having a “workout schedule”.  It just doesn’t seduce me and never has.

Photo by Jodi Jones for Qoya

That being said, I spent at least 30 years of my life trying to fit into what exercise is supposed to look like.  I bought the gym clothes. I arranged the buddy meet ups. I made the smoothies.  But after so many years of trying and failing to “get back on the horse” it has become clear to me, that that is just not my horse to ride.

By accepting that fact, my body feels ecstatically happy and freer than ever.  All the mental clutter of self-judgment for being so bad for not exercising is gone, and what has taken its place is the time and energy to focus on the things that really seduce me.  And when I do that, I look back on my days with great love.

Ahhhh, seduction.  You get me every time.

Whirlin’ and Twirlin’,

Kitty Cavalier

PS - Want a seduction bomb that will crack open your inner seductress like an erupting volcano? Your Seductress Unveiled begins September 9th. Join us!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Seductive Values

When it comes to being a seductress, there are thousands of ways to expand your power.  Few carry the same potency however, than knowing your seductive values.

Our values are the things that we most deeply cherish, the things we will go to any lengths to uphold.  Using seduction as a spiritual practice, rather than a game of control, can sometimes lead to great confusion.  Before facing decisions in this way, you may have chosen a raw cacao chocolate because it was healthier, but you find yourself eating a Hershey’s kiss because that is what truly seduced you in that moment.  Or perhaps you are faced with the decision of going to the opera, and while it is something you have always wanted to do, you are completely exhausted and certain that you will become ill if you don’t go home and go to bed this instant.  What’s a girl to do? How do we hone and tone the divining rod of our intuition to go towards what we most deeply crave?
Seductive education, a core value of mine
What makes a seductress as sleek and as certain as a jaguar is the way she knows and trusts in her seductive values. Our seductive values are like the little pots of paint that we swirl our brush into when we leave our mark on the world.  Knowing our values teaches us what truly seduces us to our core. It also gives us the power to create the things in our lives that we most desire to see manifest.

One of the questions I get most often about seduction is how to create more spark and sizzle in long-term relationships.  This is a rather complicated rubik's cube.  One of the ways I have found to ensure that there is more fire and desire is to make what is traditionally considered a sin into a seductive value.  This is the value of lust.

I have a very high lust-o-meter.  I need to have my ass grabbed, my hair pulled, and/or my neck bitten at least once a day in order to remember that I am alive.  I need to feel that passion and desire consistently, even if it is only for a second. Making lust into a value, just like financial security might be a value, allows me to prioritize neck biting with the same level of importance that I contribute to an IRA.

Cheekiness, also a core value
Another question that often comes up is seduction and money.  I was on the phone with my friend and teacher Denise Cooper of Sexy Money Now the other day, and she and I were talking about how when you become aware of your inner seductress, you sometimes want to buy everything in sight.  In fact, this is one of the main reasons that people avoid seduction.  They think if they listen to what is seducing them in each moment, they’ll spend through their savings in a week.  Denise reminded me that when we know and trust our values, we have a touchstone to come back to in these whirlwind moments of desire. (Click here to hear an awesome interview with Denise about seduction and money. She also has a kick-ass webinar coming up about quitting your day job.  Get in, get on!)

For example, buying a white Calvin Klein suit may be seducing you, but paying off your debt and becoming financially stable is one of your values.  You might still decide to buy the suit anyway.  It’s not about right or wrong.  But when you know your values, you are able to connect with the depth of the ocean of your desire, rather than just the white foam swirling on top.

Some of my seductive values are:

Big, Big Love
My relationship with friends and family, and anything that connects me to that deep, mystical, nourishing ribbon of love that runs through my life is my top, number one value.

Beauty is absolutely one of my core values.  I would rather eat ramen noodles for a week than have to go without my Ruby Woo lipstick.  That being said, this value is not just about spending money. I create beauty when I choose to do my laundry over the spending an hour in an internet sinkhole.  I create beauty when I light candles to read myself to sleep.  Right now I have created beauty by opening all my windows to listen to the rain as I type.

Truth is of the utmost importance to me.  I don’t care how much it hurts to hear, if it ain’t the truth I don’t want it.  Equally, if there is an area of my life where I am not showing up as pure 100% Kitty Cavalier, it is reason for me to look at why that is and what can be done about it.

These are just some of the examples of seductive values that I cherish. I am dying to know yours! Click here to post your seductive values and tell me why you treasure them so.

With neck bites and ass grabs,

Kitty Cavalier

PS – Getting to know your seductress is kind of like learning about fine French wine.  It is a process that cannot be rushed, only explored more and more thoroughly.  In the upcoming September session of Your Seductress: Unveiled, I will take you on a tour through the deepest cellars of your seductive nature.  Click here to enroll and to learn more. 

Monday, August 12, 2013

Sexy Money Now!

Recently I had the divine pleasure of chatting with my friend and teacher Denise Cooper.  Denise is the founder of Sexy Money Now, and she is a genius at bringing sparkle and sass to a topic that usually feels as dry and stale as toast left in the toaster. She makes empowering yourself around money delicious, and I am so happy share her brilliance with you. 

Denise is also teaching a fabulous free webinar on August 14th called Quit Your Day Job.  I recommend that you jump on in!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The Secret To My Seductive Success


Ritual enriches me.

Ritual grounds me.

It brings me home to myself and is my best anti-depressant. 

It sends me to sleep on a bed of candlelit clouds.

It wakes me up in the morning feeling cozy and at home in my own skin. 

It reminds me that whoa, this whole life thing is pretty god damn precious and I should take notice more often.

It makes the games I played as a child of turning grape juice into magic potions 100% real.

Ritual is something I am really good at.

It is actually the secret of my seductive success.

I am a seductress because of my rituals.

They are woven into me like a thousand silken threads.

Today I was walking down the street with bags under my eyes, wearing jeans and an old t-shirt with a coffee stain on it, feeling fairly contemptuous about humanity and rocking frizzy hair.

I still got two cat calls.

It is because of the way magic of my rituals oozes out of my pores.

On Sunday, September 22nd, 15 lucky women will enter my secret cavern of seductive ritual.  It is a cave that is dark as night at the entrance, and opens into the most beautiful, rich, aromatic, colorful, plush cave you have ever seen.  It is an irresistible place to be, and a glorious place to live.

I invite you to enter this cave with me, and emerge anew, leaving a trail of seductive essence in your wake.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Winnie Cavalier

Today's blog is for pure pleasure.

A month ago I went into an amazing, animal advocacy shelter named Bideawee to get a cat.  I really wanted a dog, but thought it would be too much work. 

Then I met Winnie.  

Her name was Lorena when I met her.  (I still call her that sometimes when she is being a frisky rascal.)  My heart has been officially, totally completely stolen by her.  I always thought that having a pup meant having to alter your life to accommodate more work.  I am grateful to say that I have had to change my life around, but it has not been to make room for more work. It has been to make room for love.  My friend Beth Mayesh, photographix extraordinaire was with me the day I got her, and she captured these gorgeous shots of me and Winnie in our first week together.  

It is my pleasure to present you with two full minutes of pure puppy bliss - Winnie Cavalier.