A Seductress In Loss

 

Perfect Mascara Tears! At least something good came out of this.

Usually when I write a blog it is because some idea has inspired me and I am itching to sit down at my loom and weave away. The last few months however, each time it has felt like nails on a chalkboard. What I am writing about, most of the time, I don't really care about.  The way I work is that I write about what is true for me. And lately I have been ignoring what is true for me: I am in the vast chasm of grief and loss. 

Loss is such a f*cker. I feel like my whole life is a 3d puzzle that I've been working on for the last 33 years, and some kid just came in and knocked down every piece. But when I try to put it back together, none of the pieces fit anymore. The whole thing has to be figured out all over again. 

To remedy this I have been going full throttle in many different areas of my life the last few months. The lessons I have learned have been enormous. But as often happens when in full throttle for too long, my wheels are now spinning. This displaces me enormously on my path in life and my understanding of seduction. When we think of a seductress, we often think of a woman who is always on the prowl, who doesn’t stop in cultivating her powers of attraction even for a second. But what about when you don’t want to attract anything? Right I am not searching for a goddamn thing. If I'm not out there striving for something I want: love, knowledge, money, success; who am I? Am I still a seductress if I am not out in the rodeo ring trying to rope the next steer?

Annie Oakley

This is a new prism of seduction for me.  Right now, I am not the roper.  I am the steer. I have charged and chased, flared my nostrils and stomped my feet trying to make this loss something other than what it is.  It's time now. Time to lay it down, let it go. Surrender to where I am and let it rebuild me. Stop spinning, feel it all. The blogs that talk about how to keep stocking seams straight can wait. This is where I am today: navigating the new frontier of being a seductress in loss. 

PS - Monday begins the last seduction banquet of 2013, Your Seductress: Unveiled. With 12 seduction sessions, seduction diary assignments, meditations, bonus videos, daily quotes, weekly coaching, playlists...let's just say, I invite you to feast.