One of the questions I am most often asked about practicing seduction is “how do you stay a seductress when you are in an environment that is so not seductive?” (such as being at work, or with family, or stuck in traffic)
This
is a question that has many answers. One of the answers will be revealed
in this blog post. A few more will be sprinkled in over the next few
weeks. (The really juicy ones will be delivered live in my new April 5th class The Seductive Life. Just sayin’. ;)
Let’s
be clear about one thing first. Seduction is not roses, candles, dark
chocolate and lingerie. Seduction is a force. It is an elemental
component of our lives. Let’s say, for example, you find yourself in a
rest stop bathroom. Not the most seductive of environments. And you
know what? That is OK. A seductress is not a magic fairy who can change a stinky bathroom into being as much of a pleasure as a field of lavender. The seductress? Her magic does not reside solely in the
ethereal. Her real magic is her humanity.
Hubba-Hubba. |
I
bring this up is because many of my students doubt their abilities as a
seductress when they are not feeling happy, and aroused in every moment of
every day. Listen: life is a mosaic, not
a Lisa Frank illustration. There are as many smooth pearls in this work
of art as there are spiky bits of glass. There are diamonds twinkling
right alongside bits of aluminum can and shiny porcelain next to rough,
rugged clay. That is what makes it so interesting.
My actual childhood lunchbox, thank you Lisa Frank. |
We
are fortunate to live in an age where there is a developing consciousness of
the fact that we have the power to create our life, rather than lay victim to
it. But when this philosophy is adopted as edict, it can often bring with it a
sense of perpetual dissatisfaction. When we feel dissatisfied, we
think “Uh-oh. I am not living the law of attraction! I need to get into
gratitude, fast! Let me write a gratitude list. Think positive! Think
positive!” That’s all fine and good if you are really feeling grateful,
but there is a big difference between genuine gratitude and trying to cheat the
system. There is no right ratio of self-love to humility, gratitude to
ambition. There are tools, but there is
no formula.
So,
how does this relate to seduction? How do we stay in our seductress, even
when we are in a situation that is un-seductive? It all starts by understanding
that there is no ‘staying in our seductress’, because we never leave our
seductress. Seduction is a force, not a state. We are always seducing and
being seduced, constantly. Let’s say for example, you eat an entire
microwave pizza and bag of dried mango like I just did. I can tell myself
that that was so not seductive, that seductresses don’t overeat. Hell,
seductresses don’t even eat microwave pizza. Certainly not while standing
in the kitchen in their pajamas at 3pm on a Monday.
I do love a good dressing gown. |
Where’s
the dressing gown with a long train spreading out over the bed as she slowly
consumes one fresh cherry after another out of a pristine porcelain bowl?
The truth is, those things just didn’t seduce me today.
Today,
I am pumping out multiple articles and adding three new items to my
website. I am feeling a bit stressed. I am coping by eating a little more
than I need to, and rebelling against the system by staying in my pajamas.
This, people, I hate to tell you, is seduction. The pajamas, the mango,
the to-do list; they all seduced me today. The way I stay in my
seductress is that I don’t berate myself for not doing things another
way. I have pride in my pizza bloat. I think it’s really cute. And
there is no force on Earth that is more potent or seductive than total
ownership and pride in oneself and one’s actions.
In
contrast, last night I wanted to do something but had no plans, and didn’t
really want to leave the house. So I
took a bubble bath, massaged every inch of my skin with sweet smelling lotion,
and put on a party dress and makeup. I lit every candle in my home and
got out my craft bin to make homemade greeting cards and send secret admirer
cards to my best friends. This may sound like it was a more seductive
venture than the pizza, but that is not true. It would only be true if we were
defining seduction as looking good to other people. But seduction is not
about doing things that look good to other people. Seduction is doing the things that look good
to YOU.
Do you feel like seduction is a state that is dependent on what your wearing or where you are? Do tell in the comments below.
Thank you for the clarification and the reminder. I am not sure I had the connection between making myself right no matter what and seduction. Plus, I appreciate your cutting the invisible strings between constant dissatisfaction and self-empowerment. Sweet. I am reminded of an axiom I was given" with every lesson learned there is built in "trap" that will tempt us to stay at this new place and not move on to the next lesson. I suspect that the dissatisfaction you speak of is the "trap' of self actualization. If so then is the "way onward" surrender to exactly what is?
ReplyDelete