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Monday, December 16, 2013

Boy Crazy, Girl Crazy, Love Crazy

What an a-hole this guy can be.  :)
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the state of being boy-crazy, girl-crazy, love-crazy.  That state where you feel like you have just snorted a love potion.  You are thinking about this person, this possibility, and this new dimension of yourself that you have been flung into as a result of meeting them. 

Amidst this this lofty high, there is also sometimes an uncomfortable sense of disapproval at being so swept away.  As a seduction teacher I am all too familiar with the cannibalistic cycle women go through of getting excited about meeting someone, then feeling the sting of insecurity that we like them sooo much.  The women I work with long to meet someone they feel crazy about but then when it happens, they worry that they are in fact, actually crazy.  They wonder if there is something wrong, something rotten at the core that makes them only able to feel this level of happiness when they are on a romantic high.

And when I say they, you know I mean me.

There is an assumption that when you are a seductress, you never let yourself get too attached.  People perceive that a seductive woman has so much confidence that she doesn’t get love crazy. She doesn’t put her eggs in the basket of love and feeling, as she knows that there is too big a risk of them getting crushed.  So she places them in the basket of sex, manipulation and making sure she gets her way no matter what.  But let’s get one thing straight: the person we are talking about here is not a seductress. The person we are describing above is most likely, a pretty unhappy narcissist.

Handle with care.  Or don't. 
A seductress is a woman that has surrendered to putting her eggs in whatever the fuck basket she wants and letting her self feel everything, even the crush.  She takes epic rides on rollercoasters of life, even though there is part of her that knows she will get her heart utterly shattered.  She says yes to things that she knows will make her feel crazy, or vulnerable, or hurt in the moment because she knows that the experience will make her grow in exactly the way she needs, like going on a vision quest in the desert.  What makes this woman seductive is not a sense of detachment. It is a willingness to be deeply compassionate with herself as she goes through the process of being attached.  A process  that ultimately leads a detangling of threads and find the same lesson inside every golden egg: all that you have is your soul.

“I dim the lights, and think about you, spend sleepless nights, to think about you”.  This is a song from a Broadway show that I heard recently while performing in The Goddess Revue: Journey of a Turned On Woman.  This song is about a woman who is shell shocked because the man she was in love with suddenly dumps her, and she is left in the grip of obsessive compulsive thoughts about him.  It is to the point where she finds herself stopped in the middle of the floor, unable to move.  When I look at this woman I feel two things: a painful sense of empathy at her condition, and profound sense of repulsion at her loser-ness.  “How Pathetic!” my mind screams, all the while trying to conceal the sweat on my brow, triggered by the fear that I might soon find myself in her same spot.

Here’s what I have learned in living seduction as a way of life: seduction take serious fucking guts.  When I embark on the seduction of a lover or allow myself to be seduced, I know I am basically taking a shot of romantic ayahuasca. (a hallucinogenic plant that one takes to go on a shamanic journey). I know that I will most likely go crazy for a few days or weeks, or months.  It can be wildly pleasurable and wickedly unpleasant all at once. But I also know that it is this willingness to walk into the fire of my fears that results in the one thing that makes life worth living: loving bigger, loving more. 

You’re so swoon-able,

Kitty Cavalier

PS - The only thing that keeps me sane in love, or in general? Qoya. It's my crystal ball, my sacred coven, my retreat, my home.  January 18th and 19th is NYC Qoya Teacher Training retreat.  Whether you intend to teach Qoya or not, this is an amazing immersion in living life as a femme vitale.  Wise, wild, embodied and free.  Join us! 


  1. why is getting what you want no matter what a bad/narcissistic thing? please explain!

    1. Hello my love! Thank you for asking. Getting what you want is not narcissistic whatsoever. However, when it is accomplished through shutting down ones heart and desensitizing, intentions often come from a place of ego rather than surrender, which can yield empty feeling results. This is what we are taught about seductresses in our culture, is that they are evil do-ers who will drain your life force to have their way. It is this perspective that I disagree with.

      Hope that clarifies!

  2. Kitty, you are so spot-on! Being a seductress is all about the surrender, in the moment, to love and life. And yes, it does find us sometimes (often?) lying on the floor, covered in tears, aching. Ayahuasca indeed. The pleasure and pain are immense. And therein lies the magic, no? Thank you for putting it all out there. You are amazing.

    1. Pleasure and pain indeed Alise! thank you for commenting and reading.

  3. your timing is so perfect! thank you thank you thank you. delicious. and that picture is sooooooo hot!

    1. you're so hot ms. severe! thank you for reading!