The other day I got an email from a friend that read, “Your last blog was called 'A Seductress In Loss’ and I haven’t heard anything since. Are you alive?”
Good question E. Thanks for asking.
Am I alive? These days, there are times I would say…barely. I know that sounds like I live in Victim City USA, but the truth is that this has been the toughest year of my life. As my friend Rochelle said recently with her classic, chipper, optimistic enthusiasm: “Wow, the Universe is really kicking your ass right now, girl!”
So what does a seductress do when she feels like she's been tumbled around inside a dryer for a year? She listens. She listens very, very carefully.
For example, she may hear the part of her that says she is alone and empty and will never really love or be loved. But she does not listen.
She hears the part that tells her she should be conservative with her money because she’s been living off savings for the past few months and things are getting tight. But perhaps, she does not listen.
She hears the part that tells her this broken heart feels particularly acute today because she has PMS, or because it’s winter now, or because she’s been cooped up at home all day, and that it will get better. Just give it a little time.
Well, I am tired of these days that have turned into months that are quickly turning into a year. This shit is not moving. So it’s time for me to make a move.
About three weeks ago when I was in yoga class I heard a whisper inside my soul that said “go to Maui and learn how to be a yoga teacher”. Of course, this seemed preposterous in the moment. But isn’t that the case whenever genius comes along? Don’t genius and foolishness actually share the same placenta in the end?
|Eagle Leg Shoulder Stand by Me. Photobomb by Winnie.|
In the past, when ideas of the Crazy Genius variety entered my mind, I could barely hear them. They would softly vibrate like a cord on a piano, pressed ever so gently into the pad of felt that lies underneath the keys. Then, eventually, their siren song would get louder and stronger until that C Major was the only thing I could hear ringing through my ears.
I am proud to say that because I have done the fieldwork over the years of slowly coming to trust Crazy Genius, these thoughts now strike me with the tremor and grandeur of a Beethoven symphony. I feel that Crazy Genius quake within me and think “Ooooooh! Something preposterous?? We must finally be onto something really good here. Sign me UP!”
Steve Jobs says, “You cannot connect the dots going forwards. You can only connect them going backwards.” For example, in college, he took a class in calligraphy. Everyone laughed at him for taking a course that was so frivolous. 10 years later, Apple was the first company to debut artistic typography in personal computers. Had he not taken that calligraphy course, would we all be reading blogs on our IPhones? Who knows?
The last time I took an impulsive trip to another country with an inexplicable yearning to teach movement I became a Qoya Teacher. At first, I thought I would do nothing with the certification, that I didn’t have the courage or experience. A year and a half later I can say that teaching Qoya has by far been one of the most rewarding, fulfilling, educative, spiritual experiences of my life. (click that link for the shameless plug to my January Qoya Teacher Training! :) I kiss the ground daily in gratitude not just for Qoya itself, but the honor to be a leader in the philosophy of “if it feels good, that’s how you know you’re doing it right”. My seduction work would not exist without the awakening that Qoya has given me.
The last time I hacked into my savings to invest $5,000 into satisfying a mysterious longing to immerse myself in something new, I ended up in credit card debt for about a year, while making a salary of $40,000. Two years later, I was out of debt and making four times that amount as a result of the confidence I had gained from making such a bold move. There is no way one could have happened without the other.
This concept so beautifully demonstrates the way in which seduction truly is a spiritual practice. Hawaii has seduced me, 100%. That is not to say that I don’t have doubts, but my body has given a clear enough message for me to make a move, evidence that I have in fact been fully seduced. Listening to where that tide of seduction is leading allows me to confidently let the dots fall where they may. The dots that I know will someday connect the lines: mending, re-building, and finally mapping a New World on my tender heart.
If nothing else, “One Way Ticket To Maui” will make a great title for a chapter in my book.
Aloha wau ia 'oe,
(I love you),
PS - NYC Qoya Teacher Training January 18th and 19th. Words can't describe it, but they do their best if you click here. Just read it. You don't even have to come to the training, I just want you to read it. (wiiiiiiink)