Journey In Seduction - An Interview with Veronica Varlow

I recently went over to the house of my muse and inspiration, Veronica Varlow, to interview her about our upcoming class, Journey In Seduction. (which is almost sold out. like, for real.) Knowing Veronica I had an expectation that her place would be pretty awesome.  What I did not expect is to have my breath literally taken away the moment I walked in the door. 

I have never been in an apartment like this.   The entire place vibrated with seductive, magical energy.  There were plush purple carpets, golden silk draperies, chandeliers made entirely of candles and altars everywhere.  

This is exactly what I love about Veronica.  She LIVES IT.  She is not just a pretty face that uses smoke and mirrors to give the illusion of living a seductive life.  Whether she is in a truck stop bathroom or a suite at the Ritz, this woman knows how to create her temple wherever she goes.  

When I got home from doing this interview I immediately rearranged my bedroom furniture and now spend my evenings in bed by the light of about 20 candles, with Bessie Smith lulling me to a sleepy state, writing in my journal the seductive adventures of that day.  

Veronica inspires simply by being who she is, that is my favorite thing about her.  I did not adopt this evening ritual because I want to be more like her.  It was because I saw her living in her seductive essence, and it inspired me to do the same for myself. 

March 23rd, come, be inspired. 

Right now, enjoy this interview, the very tip of the iceberg of secrets to be revealed.  

Little Altars Everywhere

The first time I created an altar in my home, I remember treating it similarly to how I imagine one might treat nuclear material. I scrubbed the table I was using to the bone because I read somewhere that dust holds negative energy. I went to the health food store and saw all the different colored candles, each representing a different chakra. I was so afraid of excluding a chakra, I bought every color they had.  The same went for the incense. (thank you consumerism!) I started a “vision board” of all the things I wanted to transform in my life and placed it above the altar.  I would kneel in front of the altar when I got home from work every day (for about a week), burning the candles and trying to meditate, the whole time I was wondering if this was, indeed, the best feng-shui corner in the house to place the altar and whether or not it was clean enough.

JEEZ! It makes my palms sweat just thinking about that experiment.

I look back on that time with great compassion for myself.  What I realize now is that  I did not create that altar out of an overflow of devotion.  I created it because I wanted to find a way to heal things in my life that needed healing, but without having to do the scary stuff.  Like healing my ovarian cyst without surgery.  Or making all the people I hated at work less obnoxious without having to speak up.  And while we’re at it, adding more sex to my relationship without having to get out of my pajama pants.  And p.s., fixing my raging eating disorder.  No wonder the poor altar had performance anxiety!  

I have since learned that in the words of Annie Lennox, “Money Can’t Buy It.” You can ship salt from the Himalayas, fine incense from Tibet, the blood of a desert snake in Santa Fe and all the rest, but none of these things begin to compare with the power of collecting objects that mean something to you. 

My goal in my home is to make it one big giant altar.  I have little altars everywhere.  To me, an altar is any arrangement of beauty that honors the sacred.  It is something that reminds me that magic is real, that there is so much more to life that what we see with the naked eye.  What works best for me is to create altars of gratitude and honoring.  In contrast, I find that when I make an altar dedicated to a transformation I want to experience with images cut out of magazines and such, it makes me so fixed on the outcome that I start to obsess over it, excluding room for the transformation to actually happen. 

Here are some examples of altars I have created in my home and what they mean to me.  I would love to see yours too! You can post them here on the School of Charm and Cheek Facebook page. Or, if this post inspires you to see an altar where you did not see one before, as you will see in the photo at my Mother in-law’s house below, please share that too.

Altar On!

Kitty Cavalier

PS - Veronica Varlow is someone who taught me ALOT about finding the sacred and magic in the little things.  She is teaching a class at the School of Charm and Cheek March 23rd which is almost sold out.  I highly recommend this class if you would like to find beauty and magic in corners of your life that you would not have previously thought to look.

This is my bedroom dressing table.  Framing the mirror are necklaces , many of which were gifts, some which
were handmade by a dear friend.  On the dressing table are my favorite oils and lotions, handmade by my Mother. 

This Guest Altar belongs to my student Coco Chacnhil. It is an altar to Sacred Seduction that she created after taking my workshop.  It contains rose petals, chocolate, elegantly dressed fruit with goat cheese, the lyrics to a French song we learned in class, and a whole bunch of other personal items that mean something very special to her. 

This little bowl sits on my nightstand, and contains glass beads from  a vintage necklace, a stone from the driveway of my Dad's horse stable in South Carolina, and a nut that fell from a tree while vacationing with my husband in France.  I sprinkled a little glitter on it for additional sparkle. 

This altar is the first altar I ever made to honor Sacred seduction.  It has a green buddha lit up from below with white light, representing enlightenment with a little more pizazz than what we are accustomed to.  The word rejection is turned on it's head and covered with hearts to represent the belief that rejection is always a form of protection.  There are sweet watercolors to represent tenderness and vulnerability, sparkles and fur to represent making the old new again.  The marble carving reminds me of the Taj Mahal and honors the original archetypes of seduction. In the center, is an opera singer who is draped in red silk; a picture of pure passion in my eyes. 

I bought this when I was in Peru, and it graces a shelf in my bathroom, honoring true, long lasting love.

This is an altar, isn't it?? ;)

A gratitude altar for a successful Seduction class with my favorite Rumi poem "dance when you are broken open",  roses and a red candle from the classroom, and a variety of sacred objects surrounding the candle. 

This is a stone from the fire pit after my first fire ceremony at the Qoya Costa Rica retreat,  a piece of yarn from another ritual done in Costa Rica, a thank you charm that was a gift from a friend, and pink glitter to make everything shine.


This is in the home of my Mother in-law.  At first glance it is just an assembly of photos, but when looked at more closely it is an altar to family and love.  There are two photos of my nieces/her grandchildren, with a photo of her parents in the middle, and an album from our wedding under that, all placed on the piano where my husband learned to play his famous song "Ho-Down" as a kid.  So much sacredness on this altar!

  

Quiz - Are you a True Seductress?

Photo by Powerful Goddess Photography

In honor of Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice being right around the corner, I've put together a little quiz to help you determine where you fall in the Seduction spectrum. I would love to hear how you score, leave me a comment!

1. You go out on a date with a person you really like.  It’s been 12 hours, and you have yet to receive a text that says “I had a great time with you, let’s do it again sometime”. You:

a) Check your phone every 15 minutes in complete agony of whether or not you will hear from this person again. You’ve gone from walking on air to feeling like you are living at the bottom of a well, and hearing from them is the only thing that will pull you out.
b) Call your girlfriends to tell them what a fabulous date you had, and that you are freaking out that you haven’t heard anything.
c) You enjoy the excitement of the date to its fullest by writing a letter of gratitude in your journal, and do something really fun to keep yourself feeling fabulous. Then, you ask your intuition which would be more fun, to continue feeling the anticipation of hearing back, or to feel the thrill of sending the first text, and then the mystery of what will ensue next.

2. You get offered a promotion and a $10,000 raise at work. It means you will be working about 10 hours more per week. You:

a) Say yes immediately without hesitation. Even though it means going from 50 hours to 60 hours per week, sacrifice is just what it takes to get ahead.
b) Make a pro’s and con’s list, and evaluate if you want to take on this extra work.
c) Create a new proposal reduces your work week to 45 hours and negotiate for $5,000 more, as well as working a day from home so that you can take meetings from the bubble bath, where you are so much more efficient.  

3. You’ve eaten a beautiful meal at a fancy restaurant for your birthday, and the house sends over free dessert.  You are absolutely stuffed, and feel like you can’t eat another bite.  You:

a) Eat the whole dessert because you wouldn’t want to be rude, and it was free.  You can never turn down something that’s free, even if you don’t want it.  
b) Take a few bites even though it doesn’t even taste good.
c) Thank them profusely and say “oh, my meal was so delicious I couldn’t possibly eat another bite!” You ask them to wrap it up and the next day, you eat it on fine china after lunch, and find that at the last bite you are full again, so you save that last bite for later.

4. You are listening to your I Pod on the subway and at your favorite part of the song,  an attractive someone walks over and asks what you are listening to. You:

a) pretend not to hear them because you are so intimidated by people you find attractive that you freeze up completely.
b) blush and take out your ear buds to tell them the name of the song, even though you really wanted to hear that part you love!
c) place one of the ear buds it in their ear, and begin waltzing around the subway car as you sing along to the song, testing to see if they know the lyrics too.

5. Your best friend calls you to cancel your dinner date after you’ve already arrived at the restaurant.  You:

a) say “It’s ok!” then storm out of the restaurant in a rage, go home and make mac n’ cheese from a box and eat the whole thing plus a pint of ice cream because you deserve it after what she did to you.
b) say “Dude, I’m already here! A little more notice next time please?” She apologizes profusely and you forgive her, then you call a few more friends to see if they are up for coming out.
c) say “ok darling! whatever you need to do!” and decide to sit at the bar and treat yourself to dinner alone, trusting that the cancellation was actually a gift, and there is something even more magical about to unfold for you this night

Mostly a’s - You are in a seduction sinkhole and in need of dire help! You think seduction is stupid and useless, or that it is something that could never be accessible to you, you’re just not that kind of girl.
Mostly b’s - you have a practical approach to life but secretly long for more confidence to so you can take risks and get the things you really want
Mostly c’s - you are a Sacred Seductress through and through, dancing through life as you attract the things you want the most and happily refuse the things you don't

Regardless of where you fall in this quiz, all of us could use an adjustment when it comes to how we use the art of seduction in our day to day life. Why? None of us have been taught how to use seduction as a way to make our way through life with more pleasure and success. When we hear about seduction our minds instantly go to manipulation and sex.  But seduction is not just something that occurs between lovers.  True seduction is a way of making life itself your lover, and committing to the truest, most everlasting marriage you will ever have - the Divine as it expresses itself in you.

When you allow yourself to do the things that truly seduce you into surrender, you are allowing the Divine to use you to create art with every breath you take.   When you practice seducing the things you want, using magnetism rather than force, you are relinquishing the ego’s need for control and surrendering to the perfect mystery of the unexpected.  When you remove from your life anything that has not fully seduced you (people, objects, behaviors) you are eliminating the blocks that keep you from living your highest destiny.  When you can take equal pleasure from the things you have in your life, as you can from knowing that what you do not have simply has yet to fully seduce you, it is then that you are living Seduction as a Spiritual Practice.  

Nothing brings me more joy than teaching women this way of enjoying life.  On September 14th and 15th I will be teaching my signature workshop - Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice.  The transformations women are having after taking this class are incredible.  

There are only three spots remaining for the September session.  I would love to have you join us as we redefine and resurrect the ancient, holy, powerful secrets of the Sacred Seductress.
 

What’s included in this class: 

• A full day and 1/2 with Kitty Cavalier as she teaches you ancient secrets of the great Seductress, and how to use these secrets to increase your magnetism, use the power of seduction for the highest good of all, and bring more fun, joy and  pleasure into your life.
• The Seduction Is a Spiritual Practice Workbook
• A 30 day subscription to "Kitnip", a daily email with an inspiring quote from a Seductress in history
• Email coaching with Kitty following the class
• A follow up Tele-Class with Kitty and  your fellow Seductresses, where the most important secret of seduction will be revealed.

ENROLL NOW!

Turning Emergency Surgery Into Art

Recently my Mom had to have a major emergency surgery, having a large part of her colon removed.  It was a big deal, so I flew down to South Carolina to be with her and my Dad.  As I was packing, I started feeling nervous about the trip. Nervous about being able to support my family with out tapping myself out, nervous about being able to cope with seeing my Mom in severe pain. Then I thought, "how would a Femme Vitale do this trip?"

So I went to my own website to search for the definition: "A Femme Vitale uses her rapturous beauty, her feminine charm and her erotic power to bring pleasure, love and joy to everyone she meets. She is shameless in her self love. She owns her body from head to toe. Her beauty transcends her age, her shape, her size. She knows how to turn herself on, and from that, she turns on the world."

Right.

Here is a photo diary of how I turned what could have been an exhausting and emotionally draining trip into a work of art:

Each day I gave my Mom epic foot massages with Lavender Sleep Balm. Ahhhh.

I mustered the courage to get on my Dad's horse, Bruce.  Bruce is really big and has always freaked me out, but once I sat in the saddle and felt his warm, grounding energy beneath me, I swear it felt better than a massage.

Bruce's hoof prints.

Each day I ate a nourishing, beautiful lunch at Magnolia Cafe.  If I could describe the energy of this place it would be like the cafe in the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes".  Pure heaven.

Mini-skirt's in April! God Bless the weather in the South!

My Dad's love of horses + his birthday + my inability to resist hospital gift shops = This.

The legendary beet and citrus salad at Magnolia.

I made sure to gift my Mom and her nurses with these beautiful magenta orchids.  I also baked the nurses blueberry muffins to say thank you for all their magnificent care.

I figured the decor in the ICU bathroom could use a more positive spin.

Every day I would have hour-long Qoya inspired dance sessions in an empty guest bedroom.  I would shake and shimmy all the stress out of my body, and gyrate all the goodness of the day right in.  Thank you Qoya!

More ICU Love notes.

Each night I would get home from the hospital and make my Dad healthy, nourishing, home-made meals like this Spring Veggie pasta.  At 5 o'clock I would pour a glass of white wine, turn on Louis Armstrong, and cook while the most beautiful amber light streamed into the kitchen.  It was a gorgeous way to practice gratitude and to pour my love into the food that nourished us.

And then we'd finish off the meal with Rocky Road in a juice glass.

Normally when packing for a short trip I pack light, but this time I did not edit my choices one bit, not even in my shoe selection.  I only brought things that made me feel gorgeous, hot and sexy.  Every day I would get all dressed up, and my Mom and the nurses couldn't wait to see what I'd be wearing that day.





The doorway at Magnolia Cafe.

The moral of the story for me, is that when times get tough it is very easy to forget about what keeps life juicy and fun.  I am grateful to have had this trip to use as an experiment in healing through beauty, charm, and cheek. (And I'm grateful that my Mom is doing much, much better). 

How are you living life as Art today?