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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Seduction Series #4: F*#! Your Best Life (The Art of Seductive Timing)

If you are like me and you have interest in things like personal growth, inner inquiry and self-reflection, it is likely that you are constantly being bombarded with messages like this: "Live your best life NOW!" or "You only get one chance at living this day. How are you going to make it GREAT???" or "No matter what has happened before this moment, you can always start fresh and commit to living your dreams!!!!"

Do you ever just feel like, get off my friggin' jock?

I do. 

When I hear messages like this, the feeling that used to come into my body was one of inspiration. Maybe I’m jaded, maybe I’m just over saturated, but lately when I hear these messages they irritate me like a buzzing fly that I just want to swat.

When someone tells me to live my best life, it indicates the assumption that I am in some way not living my best life already - that something is missing. It instantly puts me into a state of the feeling like I should be doing something more in order to validate or earn my existence.  This leads to a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and self-doubt.  If I wake up in the morning and think: “How am I going to make this day GREAT??  Like, so great that all other days that have come before it will be ashamed to have ever existed!!!” - I am so fucked.

Why? In my opinion, when life is approached as a never-ending episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, it is exhausting. Renovations are necessary every now and then, but when done on a constant basis all you end up with is a house that is constantly under construction - not very relaxing, or seductive.

This is installment 4 of 5 in the Seduction Series, a series of blog posts designed to offer insight on living seduction as a lifestyle and spiritual practice. This week, our topic is mastering the Art of Seductive Timing. Let’s begin.  

Last week I assigned the task of taking an inventory of of the things in your life that you are dissatisfied about not yet having achieved, such as a house, or a new lover, or to lose ten pounds.  Usually when we want something and do not have it, we take on one of several philosophies:
  1. I’m so lazy. I should be doing more to achieve my dreams.
  2. I’m a loser, if I was smarter and more determined I’d have my dreams by now.
  3. I’m working on it, I’m in process, those things will come someday, I just know it!
Now, try this one on for size:

4. These dreams? Well, yes I’d like to have them, but they have simply not seduced me yet.

Dance goals! Dance I said!
Photo Beth Mayesh
Imagine saying “I’m sorry weight loss, but you are just going to have to get sexier if you want me to give you the time of day.”

“Come on now new house, you can do better than that.  Make me want you. I dare you.”

Feels a bit different, huh? It takes you out of the role of playing jester to your dreams and into the role of a Queen or a King, demanding that your dreams dance for you if they want your approval and attention.

For example, last night I planned a big day for myself today that included going to a coffee shop to write this blog, getting my hair cut and running a bunch of errands around town. I had planned to leave the house around 10 AM.  At 11:42 AM I was sitting at my dressing table painting my nails.  I started to call myself lazy and feel like a wuss for not going out into the cold weather.  “You’re going to be stir crazy later if you don’t go, just tough it out!” my brain said. But instead, I chose to just be honest with myself. If going out had really seduced me, I would be gone by now.   So here I sit in bed, under the covers all bundled up in layers, drinking ginger tea and listening to the Dixie Chicks.  My cherry red fingernails are dancing across the keyboard as I write this, sparkling in the afternoon winter sun, and I am happy as a clam.

Haircuts and laundry can happen another day.  I trust in the tides of seduction.  I trust that this morning I had a plan for what I thought a productive day would look like, but seduction had another plan for me.  I refuse to doubt myself or think that I am not realizing my full potential because I have not crossed 8 things off my to-do list today.  I trust that what I have right now must be what I really want, and that is all I really need. 

Reporting from my office

What I’d like to know from you is: Can you envision yourself trusting the tide of seduction to be your inner metronome? Do you get overwhelmed with all the messages out there telling you to live a life better than the one you have?  Tell me in the comments below.

This week’s assignment, the final in the Seduction Series: Take a moment to practice savoring.  You see an email you’ve been waiting for in your inbox, take a moment (just one) to savor the anticipation before opening it. Before you take a bite of food, look at the food for one second and feel yourself want it.  Come back next week and I will tell you what continued practice of this can create.  (Hint: it involves making everyone want you)

PS –If you are wondering if there is a way to make your goals appear more seductive so that you tak action, there ABSOLUTELY is.  I will not be teaching about it in this blog. Not just because I am a tease, but because it is something that must be learned in person. Seduction Is A Spiritual Practice on the first weekend of February is almost sold out.  If you felt a whoosh of wanting more after reading this blog, trust the tide. 


  1. So loving your message right now - YES to the balance of achieving your dreams while loving the life you have already created. Genius!

  2. You are in my head! I am preemptively exhausted by all the self-help hype out there. Surrendering to seduction sounds fantastic.

    1. Yay! Keep me posted on how it's going Ti!

  3. “I’m sorry weight loss, but you are just going to have to get sexier if you want me to give you the time of day.”

    You just made my day, Sweetness. Thanks for that.

  4. As always Kitty- you have helped me feel so right about where I am, what I have and what I want. When I read your blog I am always reminded of how amazing I am NOW- RIGHT NOW!


  5. I live on a yacht with my lover and my days are spent ebbing and flowing with the tides. Life is easy - finally - and I am floating. Sometimes I get caught up in the rat race, especially when I talk to friends and family who don't understand how anyone can live with no schedule, no demands and is relaxed and happy all the time and I feel pressure, like I need to "produce". But then I hear the waves and I'm brought back to the place where life makes perfect sense to me - going with the's so much more fun! -Kelly Flanagan

    1. Ahhh, you are officially my muse. Seduction In Action!

  6. Thank you Kitty! Your post is like a breath of fresh. So delicious and timely. Yes, it feels often enough that "live better, do better" attitude simply migrated from business/corporate world into the world of self-growth and the pressure is on... I don't like to be pressured, I like to go with my own pace. And you are my inspiration on how to do it with pleasure and on my perfect time, with ease and grace using power of seduction. -Natalia