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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Seduction Series Week #3: How To Never Be Boring

First of all, thank you for your emails and blog comments on how it’s been going with the Seduction Series.  Keep them coming! (And, let me just get this out of the way: if you are liking this series, COME TO SEDUCTION IS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE! February 1st and 2nd.  This is the last time I will be offering this class until at least the Fall.  I promise, the very last thing you will ever do is regret it.)

Okay, now on to the good stuff.

Last week’s step toward becoming a Sacred Seductress was this: “when someone does something that pisses you off, no matter how little, say something. Or, if you choose to not say something, take notice of how it feels in the moment, and then in the days after.”

One of the common misconceptions we have about the seductress is that she is either a) always cool headed and never has to deal with people pissing her off because she would never let things get to that point; or that b) she is a raging bitch and no one dares cross her because she is so cold and ruthless. 

Yawn. These theories need a refresh.

The entire point of my work is to take the seductress out of the realm of a mythical figment and into a human being.  Human beings get pissed off. Human beings piss each other off.  This is normal.  The craft of our seduction practice is how we deal with being pissed off, and use it to hone our seduction abilities.

First, a review - what does it mean to be a Sacred Seductress? It means living in a state of magnetism, attracting and seducing the things you want into your life, and surrendering to your partnership with the Divine in order to set this process in motion.

The average Monday Morning of a
seductress, in our fantasies.

Reclining River Nymph at the Fountain
  Lucas Cranach the Elde
When we think of the seductress, we often envision a female lust-pot reclining on a red velvet fainting couch smoking an exotic type of cigarette. You may not own a red velvet fainting couch (I don’t…yet) and you may not give a toss about exotic cigarettes, but in this imagery, it is not the surroundings that are the fiber of seduction. This woman does not seem like the type to be barraged by a million requests to go out of her way for others. She sets boundaries, she has standards.  You respect her because you can tell she respects herself.

There is a quote by Marcel Proust: “An absence, the decline of a dinner invitation, an unintentional coldness, can accomplish more than all the cosmetics and beautiful dresses in the world.”

 In our culture we are taught to say yes to everything, to take on as much as we can and please everyone no matter what. How many of us have ever put up with something that is un-pleasurable, or even downright painful, just so we could avoid the discomfort of saying no? Most often the reason we find saying no to be so uncomfortable is because we are afraid of meeting another person’s disapproval. 

Well people, get ready for me to blow your mind.

Your ability to say no is the key to being liked, adored and admired.

Let’s say that again: your ability to say no is the key to being liked, adored and admired.

A real seductress knows what she wants.  She knows when she wants it.  She also knows what she doesn’t want, and she is unafraid of expressing all of this. A woman who owns her no is never a bore because she never says yes to things that bore her. This is a woman who can teach you a thing or two, you can sense it.  She is someone you naturally want to be around because you know you can trust her.  You know you can trust her because you can tell she trusts herself.

She is skilled in giving out something I call...The Seductive Smackdown.

Secretly? Yum.
The Seductive Smackdown is not about intentionally hurting others or spreading ill will. It’s not a form of aggression, where you throw a verbal flame-thrower at whoever is in your path. Nor is it passive; putting up with annoying behavior and talking yourself into the idea that it is the “nice” thing to do to be tolerant.  It is not passive aggression, where your friend asks you to pick up her kids from school for the tenth time, and instead of expressing your feelings directly, you are 30 minutes late to pick them up and feed them gummy worms for dinner.

The Seductive Smackdown is not about hurting others or winning a game.  It is not about saying the right thing or putting on a mask that will manipulate the other person into doing things your way.  It is actually about taking off the mask and simply speaking what is really on your mind. A seductress knows she cannot control other people’s viewpoints, nor can she control outcomes.  What she can do is contribute her thoughts and viewpoints to a situation, gently steering the ship in her desired direction.  If the ship keeps going in the opposite direction of where she wants to go, she has the option either get off and swim to a new adventure, or take a firmer hold on the wheel.   

I chose NOT to swim away from this adventure.
Either way, she will leave that situation triumphant because she has given it all she’s got.  If things don’t go her way, it’s no big deal.  It only clears the way for something even better to appear, and for her to surrender more deeply to the fact that that ship was never really meant for her in the first place.

When I gave you this assignment some of you may have found it a challenge.  You are not unique.  We think of the seductress as being someone who always knows what to say, and when to say it. If you find yourself tongue tied, you might think you are too meek to really play the game. But actually, it is in these precise moments of being tongue tied when TRUE seduction can enter the room.

True seduction is not based on tricks or false pretenses. Falsities are not attractive, and you can smell them from a mile away.  True seduction is about letting yourself be vulnerable; allowing your throat to get dry, letting your cheeks get flushed.  This may make you feel embarrassed, but I say take it as a wink from the heavens that you are in exactly the right spot. There is nothing sexier than the truth. When you tell the truth you are attracting what you TRULY want, and repelling what you do not.  You instantly activate the law of attraction, because when you tell the truth, no matter how messy or vulnerable it makes you feel, you attract what is true FOR YOU. And this, my friends, is the science behind Sacred Seduction.   

I would love to know what you think.  Do you agree? What is your take on seduction and vulnerability? How did it go with practicing this assignment? Tell me all about it in the comments below. 

This week's assignment: Make a list, mental or written of all the things you want in life that you feel impatient about not yet having.  They can be material (like a house) or otherwise (like losing 10lb.s) Notice what you get frustrated over, and bring that list to next weeks blog post, where I will be revealing some of the Secrets to Seductive Timing. 


  1. I agree with what you're saying Kitty. And it's a heady experience when you tell the truth and attract what you truly want. Devastating when you tell the truth and find you've repelled someone/something. There can be a time lag between the repelling and my realization that who/what I repelled wasn't truly what I wanted. I'd love your ideas on making that period of time, which can be quite excruciating, more full and rounded out - less flinty and sharp.
    Exquisitely yours,

  2. Tippy you ARE exquisite! I love those words, full and rounded out vs. flinty and sharp. Yes, I totally agree. It reminds me of a quote from Queen Victoria: "Great events make me quiet and calm; it is only trifles that irritate my nerves." Helps make those breathtaking moments feel more thrilling than scary. xo

  3. Wow. And then, wow. Thank you! Somewhere around middle school age, we women (girls) develop a shell, a "never let the other girls see you cry" mentality that keeps us from being real. Your bit about being real, of being okay with the dry mouth and flushed cheeks is sooo important. I am just now breaking out of my shell-of-protection forged decades ago to risk being real again. You are so right. We need to allow ourselves to feel what we feel and even (gasp) vocalize it. Wonderful!

    1. Thanks Kate! So glad you enjoyed it. Flushed cheeks are sexy! :)

  4. Speaking my truth is a huge challenge. I am committed to to speaking with love whenever possible, and I'm just now figuring out how to language that. It also involves, for me, taking complete ownership of my experience. I've been having a hard time because I am surrounded by highly sensitive people who offend easily. But on the flip side, it's been a great learning experience.

    I am excited for next week's blog. I am so ready to learn about seductive timing!

    1. Steph, I totally agree, truth always equals love!

  5. You are such a friggin' genius Kitty!!!! I don't think i've ever heard "saying no" framed in such a pleasurable, TRUE way. I bow down to your exquisite, seductive genius.

  6. I have post traumatic stress disorder from 20 years in a verbally abusive marriage. We haven't lived together for 11 1/2 months. Lawyers have been hired; courts have been petitioned. Learning to say no to things I do not want in my life has been very hard for me. I feel enormously vulnerable. The only think I know for sure is that staying in that marriage would have killed me and leaving it sends a powerful message to my 3 daughters. And so I continue to say no to things that don't feel right, continue to work through my fears in therapy, and trust that in time what I do want will become more and more clear to me, and that I'm already seducing a life that will make my soul sing.

    1. Sweet Kim, I so respect your courageous journey and your vulnerability to post it hear. I love the last line of your comment "I'm already seducing a life that will make my soul sing". Gorgeous! Seducing the world, one truth at a time.