This Week In The Seduction Diaries

It’s the week before the very first Kitty Cavalier Seduction Retreat.  It feels a bit like a holiday week.  I can feel it coming in the air, like smelling the fragrance of cookies that were baked yesterday still lingering in the kitchen.

Last I left you, we were all on the edge of our seats to see if my Mom would say yes to my invitation to attend the retreat. On Saturday afternoon I emerged from the subway and felt my phone buzz in my pocket, and opened it to this joyous message!

YES! She is coming! Not without a few twists and turns in the seduction process but yes, Mama Cavalier will be joining us in seduction at this weekends retreat. I am so grateful to have this opportunity and experience with my Mama. 

This week I am steeping myself like a tea bag in the waters of seduction.  I made myself a list of things to do this week to prepare:
   
   1. Relax
   2. Pamper
   3.  Read
   4.  Qoya
   5.   Pray

In case I should find myself mindlessly trolling Facebook or experiencing pre-show jitters, I have this list to turn to, keeping my priorities in order.

Qoya, the #1 way to bring me back down to Earth.  Literally. 

I am writing this from the gorgeous home of Vivi Le Voix, burlesque star and professional baker.  She is my best friend and will be my right hand woman at the retreat, serving us her custom cupcakes at our champagne seduction gala Saturday night. 

Cupcakes by Vivi

Oh, and tomorrow I am having the six stitches that I incurred on my vacation taken out of my face. Wait until you hear that story!

The seduction wagon leaves for Chester on Friday morning with me, the husby, my assistants Vivi Le Voix and Freddie La Bum, huge bouquets of flowers, and all sorts of gifts and treasures waiting for the participants.  I can’t wait.

www.seductionretreat.com

Til’ next week, when my diary entry will be written by the hands of a woman who has seen yet another of her greatest dreams realized,

Kitty

The Sexiest Thing I Can Think Of

Today I am sitting in the lobby of a Best Western after a patience-trying experience while trying to buy a diet Pepsi in the gift shop.  Later on, I will be hiking in the Grand Canyon with my husband.  Funny how even in a motel in Tusayan, AZ, you can learn the greatest lessons in seduction. 

Last night I had an experience that made me think of a question I get often from women: “how do I embody seduction into every area of my life, all the time”.  Shortcut to the answer: you already do.  Seduction is not necessarily something to be done, it is something to be surrendered to. 

Husby and I on our way up the mountain

Seduction is the part of us that says yes or no.  It is the force that can attract a wonderful experience like hiking the Grand Canyon, or the kind of experience where the purchase of a diet soda can make you doubt your faith in humanity. 

What I find that people are often wondering when they ask this question is “how do I make life sexy all the time? How do I feel gorgeous and beautiful all the time"? Last night, I REALLY wanted to wear my most gorgeous orange floor length maxi dress to dinner. The thing about this dress however, is that with the slightest chill in the air, you can see my nipples.  Like, a lot.  It’s really one of my favorite things about the dress, and it makes me feel super sexy.  When I wear this dress I feel like an absolute Goddess, like I just stepped out of a waterfall riding a unicorn.  Who could say no to that, right?

However.

Wearing the dress in question, holding a munchkin

We were dining in the basement café of the Best Western.  It was right across the hall from the arcade.  Do I really want to show my nipples to the Best Western Grand Canyon crowd? Not today Josephine.  I just wasn’t feeling it to be a sex Goddess in that moment (even though my body which had been wearing red dust covered jeans for a week longed for that experience).  And boy howdy, am I glad I listened to my intuition. If I had worn that dress I would have had my attention on how I was being interpreted by the bikers and cowboys playing pool, not on my evening with my husband.  Playing air hockey in the arcade would have been near impossible.  This may seem like frivolous mastication of ones wardrobe choices, but that choice determined everything about my night. By listening to my intuition, I gave myself a beautiful evening, present and happy. And that, dear friends, is the sexiest thing that I can think of. 

Heating up the desert with a Qoya hip-opener

PS – the very same woman who pissed me off in the gift shop just came over and said “I admire you”.  When I asked her why, she said it was because of my fierce typing skills that she had been observing this whole time.  Aint’ love grand?? 

Seduction & My Mother

At least I could seduce her into showing off her sparkly top

If I had to choose who has been the biggest teacher of seduction in my life, it would be my mother.  As a child, I could seduce her into anything - hanging out with me, playing with me, letting me eat cookies, doing death defying stunts on a jungle gym, etc.  As a teenager I further refined my skills by pleading with her to buy me clothes, take me to McDonald’s for dinner and let me stay out late.  I became increasingly successful over the years.

As I’ve become an adult however, she’s toughened up a bit.

My Mom is, in fact, the toughest nut there is to crack.  When I want her to do something, she is the one person I know that no matter how hard I try to seduce her, I can’t get her to break unless she wants to.  Even then, it’s like dragging a boulder up a hill.   

I was on the phone with her the other day talking about the possibility of her coming to my May Seduction Retreat. Of course, I deeply, deeply desire for her to be there. She feels like the travel would be too much right now.  She just had a major surgery a few months ago and it takes a lot for her to get to the Northeast from the South.  My instinct upon hearing this was anger. “If she knew how important this was to me, she would come.”  I had the impulse to boss her into it, plead for her to come, or act nonchalant so as to try to trick her into it.  But this, my friends, is not seduction.  Not in the least.

There is a belief we have been taught about seduction that if we do not achieve the outcome we desire, we have failed in our seduction efforts.  This puts seduction in the realm of control and manipulation, assuming that a master seductress can get anything she wants, whenever she wants, through some sort of sneaky, unseen power. In my eyes however, this would be a move of insecurity and lack of trust.  The move of seduction is not to assert control, it is actually an act of giving up control.

How do we achieve seductive success 100% of the time? We acknowledge that seduction is a two-way street.  What I want the most for my retreat is to have a room full of women who REALLY want to be there. So I said to my Mom “look, I want you to be there, but only if you really want it. I am trusting you to trust your own intuition.”  Instantly we both felt better.  In saying this to her I had taken the seduction away from manipulation and into a place of MAGNETISM.  Magnets have the power to attract, and they also have the power to repel.  Seduction is a practice in surrendering to this force.  If I had asserted that my Mom must come to the retreat, she would resent me and resent being there.  By releasing my attachment to the outcome, I allow for my truth and her truth to intermingle, creating a whole new outcome – one that is far better than anything we could dream up on our own.

Will she come to the retreat? Stay tuned.

Will you come to the retreat? I am on the edge of my seat.  

Turning Kings Into Dogs: Reporting Live From Costa Rica

The cards of influence - Baba Yaga, Obsession and Bast

"Once upon a time there was a woman whose community needed her.  They needed her spicy, untamed, dragon-breath, crone-faced, baby-faced, drum beating, unicorn-rearing wildness.  It took a lot for her to deliver, but she knew she could.  She knew she must.

So with her scarlet skirt and her hair on fire; red rims around her eyes to match the red rim of her mouth to match the red rounds of her nipples, she emerged. She seduced with her sparkle and entranced with her gaze. Her fragrance hypnotized the entire land, turning kings into dogs.  A spell had been cast, a wickedly lovely obsession with her red, red, red, red everything.

She pressed her heart forward and looked up to the sky, turning everything red into a soft, warm, white.  The dogs became agile, keen cats; the dust that had settled for so long became a shower of the exact nutrient the community had been calling for; and bright light shone from above, brightening, warming and electrifying everything in it’s path."

I am here on the annual Costa Rica Qoya Retreat, having an amazing time. The story written above is a ritual that we did as a group called a three-card story.  You pull three cards, one signifying the beginning of the story, one the middle and one the end.  Then the group all begins writing the story with the same line, and every story is different.  When I read mine aloud, my friend said, “that sounds like one of your blogs”.

(Woooo! What a compliment!)

Beach dancing with the Qoya Queens

I had several motivations for coming to this retreat, but one of the strongest was inspiration. I am about to lead my first seduction retreat in May, and I am so blessed to be having this experience as a student to inform my experience as a teacher. 

I chose to share this story with you because it is a perfect example of how what can happen on a retreat is so different from what can happen in a classroom.  A retreat is all about removing oneself from the day-to-day and opening to a new way of living, which introduces you to a whole new part of yourself.  Being in nature, being in community, and being immersed in an experience is life changing. This three card story is more expansive, more transparent, and more creative than anything I could write after a day of riding the subway and doing errands in New York.

In addition to the ecstasy of the things that are planned on a retreat, there is also the magic of the unplanned. Some of the unexpected adventures that have come about so far this week: a hugely excavating emotional ride, ocean skinny dipping in the middle of the day with 30 incredible Qoya queens, purchasing the sexiest yoga clothes ever (hello??? I didn’t think those existed) and a spontaneous naked photo shoot with my one of my best friends after a few glasses of wine and a few coconuts; and there are still three days to go.  I’d like to say, “I can only imagine” about the beautiful surprises that await us on the seduction retreat, but truth is I can’t.  That’s what makes them so fun.

I have had so much fun coming up to a gorgeous, open-air sun porch every afternoon, putting a straw in a coconut and finishing off the curriculum for the Seduction Is A Way Of Life retreat.  This week I have gotten to know myself as a seductress more profoundly than ever before. 

If you are feeling seduced, join us by taking one of the two remaining spots.  I would relish the honor of steeping you in Sacred Seduction.

With a hibiscus flower in my hair,

Kitty Cavalier